05-21-2009, 07:20 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-21-2009, 07:23 AM by MCunningham.)
I do a lot of writing and proofreading/editing at work (and I passed the English Comp with Essay a while back!) I do not think you did a bad job, honestly. However, since you are asking for feedback to improve your future performances, my personal suggestions would be as follows:
1st paragraph
1. Introduce your subject with a statement something along the lines of "There is a significant amount of debate surrounding the issue of whether or not to assign ratings to movies and TV shows." This gives the reader/grader an idea of what your topic is without a wooden introductory sentence like "I am going to discuss the rating of movies and TV shows."
2. I'd add another generic sentence or two to this paragraph stating what ratings are and their general use, "Ratings of movies are used to categorize movies into ..." and, "More recently, the rating of TV shows has become a reality as more shows include more violent and graphic story lines to hook viewers..."
2nd paragraph
1. Then give 1-3 sentences concisely stating the positions of each side (pro and con). For example, pro: "Those who advocate the use of ratings believe that the ratings serve as an unbiased categorization of appropriateness for age groups and family situations." and con: "Those who are anti-ratings hold that the ratings system is outdated, over-conservative, or blah blah." I might even stick a sentence in there about the "undecideds" (there are definitely undecideds in every topic), and say "Still others count themselves somewhere in between, seeing the possible value of ratings while not necessarily regarding the current system as effective."
3nd paragraph
1. Here is where, regardless of your position on the issue, I'd use this paragraph and the next to count yourself as one of the "undecideds". (Key thing to remember: they do not really care about your opinion on the matter. What they are looking for is your ability to craft a comprehensible, well-spelled, well-structured written argument.) Open this paragraph with, "Having looked at both sides of the argument, I count myself among the 'undecided' group."
2. Then state the negatives (the con argument) in this paragraph for 3-5 sentences.
4rd paragraph
1. Open with something like "Conversely, I also see..." or "However, there are merits to the argument that..." and then proceed to state the positives (the pro argument) in this paragraph for 3-5 sentences.
5th paragraph
1. Re-state a little of each of the first four paragraphs. Example, "So, while the pro-ratings camp deems ratings a necessary part of an individual's entertainment choices, those on the other side of the issue...." and then add a sentence or two about your "undecided" position in conclusion.
A few things to take note of:
1. DO NOT USE CONTRACTIONS (don't, you're, it's). It is more acceptable to use them colloquially now than it was about 10 years ago, but you cannot be sure that your grader will be accepting of that. It would be best to err on the side of caution and always spell everything out.
2. Try to think of ways to not come across so colloquial. For example, in your first paragraph, you say, "When you look online to check out what movie is showing down at the theater what do you see?" I might amend that to sound less like you are talking to a buddy, and maybe have it read "When browsing on the Internet to find the movies that are playing at the local theater, what do you see?"
3. Since many of the topics they propose on these types of exams are opinion pieces, make sure you know several different synonyms for "believe" or "think". You'll be using that term a lot, and you do not want to have it read, "Others think..." and "However, I think..." and "The majority think..." Instead, it impresses your grader if you have a wide variety of synonyms to spice up your piece. So, break out the thesaurus and make sure you have a good base of 4-6 words that you can use: believe, think, postulate, theorize, feel, hold, regard, view, etc.
I hope this helps! Sorry this is so lengthy...
MC
1st paragraph
1. Introduce your subject with a statement something along the lines of "There is a significant amount of debate surrounding the issue of whether or not to assign ratings to movies and TV shows." This gives the reader/grader an idea of what your topic is without a wooden introductory sentence like "I am going to discuss the rating of movies and TV shows."
2. I'd add another generic sentence or two to this paragraph stating what ratings are and their general use, "Ratings of movies are used to categorize movies into ..." and, "More recently, the rating of TV shows has become a reality as more shows include more violent and graphic story lines to hook viewers..."
2nd paragraph
1. Then give 1-3 sentences concisely stating the positions of each side (pro and con). For example, pro: "Those who advocate the use of ratings believe that the ratings serve as an unbiased categorization of appropriateness for age groups and family situations." and con: "Those who are anti-ratings hold that the ratings system is outdated, over-conservative, or blah blah." I might even stick a sentence in there about the "undecideds" (there are definitely undecideds in every topic), and say "Still others count themselves somewhere in between, seeing the possible value of ratings while not necessarily regarding the current system as effective."
3nd paragraph
1. Here is where, regardless of your position on the issue, I'd use this paragraph and the next to count yourself as one of the "undecideds". (Key thing to remember: they do not really care about your opinion on the matter. What they are looking for is your ability to craft a comprehensible, well-spelled, well-structured written argument.) Open this paragraph with, "Having looked at both sides of the argument, I count myself among the 'undecided' group."
2. Then state the negatives (the con argument) in this paragraph for 3-5 sentences.
4rd paragraph
1. Open with something like "Conversely, I also see..." or "However, there are merits to the argument that..." and then proceed to state the positives (the pro argument) in this paragraph for 3-5 sentences.
5th paragraph
1. Re-state a little of each of the first four paragraphs. Example, "So, while the pro-ratings camp deems ratings a necessary part of an individual's entertainment choices, those on the other side of the issue...." and then add a sentence or two about your "undecided" position in conclusion.
A few things to take note of:
1. DO NOT USE CONTRACTIONS (don't, you're, it's). It is more acceptable to use them colloquially now than it was about 10 years ago, but you cannot be sure that your grader will be accepting of that. It would be best to err on the side of caution and always spell everything out.
2. Try to think of ways to not come across so colloquial. For example, in your first paragraph, you say, "When you look online to check out what movie is showing down at the theater what do you see?" I might amend that to sound less like you are talking to a buddy, and maybe have it read "When browsing on the Internet to find the movies that are playing at the local theater, what do you see?"
3. Since many of the topics they propose on these types of exams are opinion pieces, make sure you know several different synonyms for "believe" or "think". You'll be using that term a lot, and you do not want to have it read, "Others think..." and "However, I think..." and "The majority think..." Instead, it impresses your grader if you have a wide variety of synonyms to spice up your piece. So, break out the thesaurus and make sure you have a good base of 4-6 words that you can use: believe, think, postulate, theorize, feel, hold, regard, view, etc.
I hope this helps! Sorry this is so lengthy...
MC
Working towards a BA in Business Administration at AMU
Tests Taken:
CLEP Humanities (2002) - passed
CLEP English w/Composition (2002) - passed
CLEP Biology (2005) - passed w/ a 56
CLEP US History I (2006) - passed w/ a 66
CLEP US History II (2009) - passed w/ a 71
CLEP English Literature (2009) - passed w/ a 69
CLEP Introductory Psychology (2009) - passed w/ a 66
DANTES Human Resource Management (2009) - passed w/ a 70
DANTES Organizational Behavior (2009) - passed w/ a 70
CLEP Macroeconomics (2009) - passed w/ a 66
CLEP Microeconomics (2009) - passed w/ a 62
[SIZE="2"][SIZE="3"]Done with testing as of July 2009, now on to coursework![/SIZE][/SIZE] :o
Tests Taken:
CLEP Humanities (2002) - passed
CLEP English w/Composition (2002) - passed
CLEP Biology (2005) - passed w/ a 56
CLEP US History I (2006) - passed w/ a 66
CLEP US History II (2009) - passed w/ a 71
CLEP English Literature (2009) - passed w/ a 69
CLEP Introductory Psychology (2009) - passed w/ a 66
DANTES Human Resource Management (2009) - passed w/ a 70
DANTES Organizational Behavior (2009) - passed w/ a 70
CLEP Macroeconomics (2009) - passed w/ a 66
CLEP Microeconomics (2009) - passed w/ a 62
[SIZE="2"][SIZE="3"]Done with testing as of July 2009, now on to coursework![/SIZE][/SIZE] :o
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