Dating a Wimp

[soliloquy]

My step-mom is a wise woman. She once told me (coincidentally after a breakup with someone that sounds remarkably similar to your now-Ex) that the first two months of a relationship are telling. If you spot flaws in a new boy/girlfriend that you think about for longer than a few minutes while with them, or at all after you're not around them, that the relationship is not meant to be. Her reasoning is that the early stages of a relationship are the "honeymoon" stages where everyone is moon-eyed and flaws are harder to see. Also, some people tend to be on their best "dating" behavior early on and keep the big stuff hidden. If problems are visible that early, she always said to get out while friendship is still possible, or at least no feelings despite the flaws develop so it's cleaner.

Edited to add: The reverse side of that is it teaches the practitioner of the advice how to dismiss the small stuff. i.e., "I really like this guy, BUT...[insert tiny issue here]." If one really, truly likes the person, the tiny issue will be easy to push out of mind. If not, if the issue lingers and becomes a focus, the relationship is not going to work; either the problem is too big, or the practitioner needs to work harder on letting the small stuff go before being ready for a relationship. The same practice proceeds into longer-term relationships; push the small stuff out of mind, but if the issue lingers in our focus, it is time for a conversation so as not to hold onto the little problems until they become so focus-engrossing that a small problem becomes a deal-breaker.

She also said sticking around just to see, or sticking around and complaining about someone makes us a glutton for punishment or a martyr/victim type, of which neither personality trait will be appealing to someone actually worthwhile that might come along later.

Glad to see you trimmed someone out that was clearly not for you. I'm not sure how long you two dated, but seems like the differences were not workable. I hope you have better luck in the dating pool moving forward!

I agree with that statement but would extend it to 6 months. Some people have an amazing ability to keep up that facade for long periods of time. I think by 6 months most people are starting to reveal their true colors. What you've said reminds me of that quote from the Scarlet Letter.

No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself, and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.

The good thing about this guy is you don't have to wait for the mask to come off...he volunteered the information.

[Kaz]

I started dating this guy... thing a man could do.

You just blew my mind. All these years on this forum I thought you were a guy :willynilly: Wow. Just wow. How did I not know!? :confused: This is going to mess me up all day...

[sanantone]

You just blew my mind. All these years on this forum I thought you were a guy :willynilly: Wow. Just wow. How did I not know!? :confused: This is going to mess me up all day...

Well, I am quite aggressive in my speech, but most of my posts are gender neutral. Criminal justice is a male-dominated field (not so much anymore in academia), so I could see how people could come to the assumption that I'm male.

[SteveFoerster]

Well, I am quite aggressive in my speech, but most of my posts are gender neutral. Criminal justice is a male-dominated field (not so much anymore in academia), so I could see how people could come to the assumption that I'm male.

Got you covered, then:



Welcome to the club!

[bluebooger]

... I was talking about being able to defend a girlfriend or wife if she's attacked. He told me that he wouldn't defend his woman because he's not risking getting his butt kicked, but he'd be the first one to dial 911 and ask the attacker if he could please stop. WHAT? So, if some guy is robbing me, raping me, or physically assaulting me, I can expect him to just stand there....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URvMd-pjSMc

what kind of a topsy turvy world do we live in where heroes are cast as villains, brave men as cowards ?
you should be commending him for treating everyone like equals

[sanantone]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URvMd-pjSMc

what kind of a topsy turvy world do we live in where heroes are cast as villains, brave men as cowards ?
you should be commending him for treating everyone like equals

That video is him. It's really not about treating everyone as equals refusing to help the damsel in distress or children. It's about him saving his own behind. If he had a male friend who was being attacked, he wouldn't help. That sounds like being equal, but it's really about himself. It's also not about everyone being just as capable as him to escape danger. Obviously, it's better to have two people fighting off one attacker. More people can be saved through cooperation. He's a coward.

[indivinefavor]

TAKE MY ADVICE....AND RUN! Being a domestic violence survivor...twice, I can truly say that at the bare and I mean bare minimum...you must have a PROTECTOR! I would be able to deal with the CNN thing, the school thing, even the mice thing. Every man isn't Superman and it's unrealistic to think that. But if he's telling you to your face that he's not going to defend his woman, but step out the way for you to get beat to a pulp...then that's a clear red flag. It's an old saying, that when someone shows your their "behind" (but that's not the right word lol), then you BETTER believe them!

He's not for you hun and you can do much better!

[indivinefavor]

Got you covered, then:



Welcome to the club!

Bwwhhaa Steve!! Can I get one too...great certificate.