Question for Home Schooling Kids

[Mamasaphire]

<this won't be my soapbox....this won't be my soapbox....this won't be my soapbox>

Homeschoolers get the "what about socialization" question as often as you hear people ask if CLEP is a legitimate way to earn credit, so you're going to get very emotional answers to that question, but mainly because it's a sensitive subject. I can only speak for myself, but let me say I have accumulated a lot of thoughts on this issue over the past 20 years, in addition, I've watched it play out in my family as well as the families of many of my friends. (I'll admit my bias, we only choose good families to be friends with, so my sample is exceptionally good )

I pulled this to help: Socialization Medical Definition | Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary

socialization
noun so·cial·iza·tion
Medical Definition of socialization
: the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status


Now, for my opinion. It is my observation that schools do a crappy job socializing children to become adults because of the unavoidable nature of being in a group. Large groups, by their nature, create an artificial culture that may or may not develop the habits, beliefs, and knowledge of society that YOU want displayed by your kids. My opinion and observation is that some parents also do a crappy job socializing children to become adults.

So, to grow adults, you need dedicated and deliberate parents working their butts off to create good adults out of a child. I think when you put your kid in a group, you're outnumbered, and will have to work 10x as hard as the parent who is setting up socialization activities on purpose. OTOH, parents who deliberately restrict social development aren't doing their kid any favors - so it's not a "one-size-fits-all" and so you'll see some homeschool kids that are awkward and uncomfortable in public... BUT you'll see some public school children that are drug users, overtly sexual, inconsiderate of others, loud, mean, and unable to to behave "maturely" in public.

We have always been very deliberate with our kid's social development. For us, that's meant a host of things that had nothing to do with dropping them into a group of strangers and calling it good. It's hard work to raise good kids that can function as adults.

One final thought, some kids are introverts, and others are extroverts - so that doesn't change based on where they go to school. If you have an introvert, you'll have to work very hard at helping them feel comfortable forming relationships with peers, people of the opposite sex, people of all ages, people of authority as well as subordinates. Extroverts can figure a lot of that out on their own because they thrust themselves into more settings and experiences, so they have more opportunity.

I have 3 extroverts and 1 introvert.
I have 1 naturally driven and 3 that are average.
I have 2 naturally very smart and 2 with learning difficulties.
I have 2 that are always the center of attention, and 2 that avoid the spotlight.
I have 3 that are natural athletes and 1 that I have to force.
I have 2 that have a ton of friends, and 2 that have one close friend.


As you can see, there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution, but that also means there isn't a one-size-fits-all problem. You just have to realize that as much as homeschooling isn't one thing, neither is public schooling.

Very unbiased, well-rounded analysis.

Whenever people point out that they knew "this one weird kid who was homeschooled", I like to point out the weird kids I knew when I was a kid - in public school! There will always be people who don't fit the norm. There will always be awkward people who don't fit in.

One of the other things I noticed is that now, when you have a kid who is awkward, or doesn't fit in, and they get picked on in school - you can pull them out and homeschool them. I also know quite a few moms who pulled their kids on the autistic spectrum out of public school because they were not getting the help that they needed. So if you see a "weird" homeschooler, know that they would just be a "weird" kid in public school, but their parents decided not to subject them to that situation. It might be a "freakanomics" thing, where more kids who don't fit in end up being homeschooled, making it look like more homeschooled kids end up "weird" - but really, they were always having problems, the issues were there BEFORE the homeschooling began, homeschooling didn't CAUSE them.

All of the homeschoolers we know (ourselves included until recently) had kids who were in a variety of activities - church youth group, sports, scouts, FFA; and then most of them either were in a homeschool charter school, part-time homeschool through a private Christian high school, or did co-op activities with other families. Not a single family that I'm aware of just stayed home 24/7 with no interaction with other people. That's a big misconception that many people have, but it's pretty far off-base from my personal experience.

Also, a lot of their learning these last few years was not just me teaching them - we did Math-U-See and VideoText Algebra, which were video-based instruction. Their grammar was video-based. Their writing program was video-based. My son did Latin with a private company that was online once a week. After a time, just about everything they did was on the computer or TV screen, and I just helped them with their work, rather than doing all the teaching.

My kids were the only kids I knew who did not want to do a lot of schooling outside of home - they just liked it better when we did stuff on our own at home (they begged me to stop having them go to classes at their charter school a few years ago, so we went "rogue" for the last few years). Then they did their other activities that they wanted to do in the evenings (my son is in Civil Air Patrol and church youth group, and will start wrestling on a private team as soon as the season starts; my daughter has played competitive soccer for years, and now is running Cross Country and will try out for her high school soccer team and run track in the spring). We are hardly shut-ins!

Love it!!!! As a second gen homeschool parent, I couldn't have said it better than either dfrecore or cookderosa, so I won't try.

Just wanted to chime in and say that both of their perspective are very accurate from what I've seen over the last 40 years or so -- when I was homeschooled, and now that I have been homeschooling my own children, some of whom are in their late teens & early 20's.

Seriously, "socialization", or what the general population means when they say it, is typically not an issue for true/dedicated homeschoolers in my experience.