Question for Home Schooling Kids

[cookderosa]

I used to think that homeschoolers were just plain weird. Then, I "met" Cookderosa (only on line). With all of her wisdom, I had to reevaluate my position. My gut still thinks, "weird," but my mind says that this is a good option for some folks.

WOW- maybe it's my third eye?
LOL, well anyone who knows me or meets me or talks to me here for more than 5 minutes knows that I AM NOT a homeschool evangelist! I've been doing it too long, I know better. It's a huge life-taking-over commitment. I put it in the same category as starting a business, only with bigger consequences. It takes all your brain space and lines are blurred all over the place- it infiltrates your home, schedule, finances, marriage, extended family relationships, sports, clubs and activities, where you live, your social circle (people will think you're weird lol, right LaterBloomer? LOL)

I love talking about our challenges and struggles as much as the benefits and perks that were, frankly, not what I expected. When I started homeschooling, it was for entirely different reasons than why we KEPT homeschooling. Hilariously I thought the hard part was going to be the academics. The academics are the only thing that's turned out to be easy. Buy a curriculum. Use a curriculum. Go online for help. The end. It's the other 99% of it that makes me crazy.

Also, I didn't say it before, but I'm just gonna say it- the one who DOES the homeschooling gets all the power. If I were in a place where it couldn't be "me" doing the homeschooling, I'd hire it out to a series of tutors/teachers. No way in hell I'd bring a family member into the mix. It'll end your relationship.

[cookderosa]

Regarding SS - I will still get SS when I hit 67, because all of the money I made before I quit made me eligible. And even if it didn't, I am entitled to my husband's SS when he dies if it's higher than mine is. That is true for all married people.

If my husband was a surgeon making hundreds of thousands of dollars a year (I'm assuming) and I worked at something where I did not make close to that amount, then if he was ill and we lost his income, there is no way we would be able to stay afloat on just my income anyway. I would hope instead that we would have been saving some money along the way, so that this wouldn't be as much of an issue. Or have long term disability insurance. Or no debt and a paid-off house. Or all of the above.

Many times, and for many reasons, a spouse does not work because it is best for the family. I don't work, and my husband travels extensively. There is no way I would have been willing to put my kids in daycare for 10 hours a day so that I could work in the very remote possibility that my husband might not be able to do his job in the future. If something happens to him and we can't make it, we can sell our house, move somewhere less expensive, and I can find a job. But to think that I could make up for his income in any way is unrealistic, even if I had been working all along. He just makes a LOT more money that I ever did, and probably ever will.

Another thing to consider; if you read a book like "The Millionaire Next Door", you will see that MANY of the couples that are millionaires have one income. That's because (and this is true in my house), a man may be better able to go out and make more money than their peers because they have a wife who takes care of everything. Yep, I do EVERYTHING in our household. I'm totally ok with this. I'd much rather run this place as the CEO/COO and have him out working making the money he's making. He knows that there is nothing to worry about on the home front, which makes him better able to focus on and succeed at his job. And by the way, almost all of the very successful people we know (especially where the man is in sales, which is our personal experience) has this same thing. It seems as if the more money a man makes, the more often I find that his wife stays home. It is just a winning combination for many families.

I'm not saying that everyone has to or even should run their own families this way. You get to run things the way that works best for your family. I'm just saying that your wife staying home might actually be the best thing that could happen to your family financially. That's how it worked for us. My husband made the same amount I did when I left the workforce, and has tripled his income in the last 15 years BECAUSE he was very motivated to provide for his family. It was as if our decision for me to stay home kicked him in the butt and into high gear.

Good luck whatever you decide!

YES! I love all your comments. I also think that having a resourceful wife is MOST important. Everyone plays a role on the team, a SAHM that is deliberate in managing the family's income (whatever it might be) living within the means of that income, contributing to the "out" expenses by being a smart shopper, smart budgeter, frugal and resourceful at outfitting the home, etc. I could go on- but it's all about HOME ECONOMICS. Something that has fallen out of favor. There are very few things I'll say I'm "good" at, but I'm a very good home economist. Whatever my husband's salary, we live within it- I make it work. My husband's peace of mind comes from knowing that whatever that check is that hits our bank on Friday- I'll do my ninja Ramsey style budget and life will be good.

[clepper1996]

I would highly recommend homeschooling. I and my six siblings were homeschooled, and we were blessed tremendously by it. For the little ones, you can buy some really cheap and absolutely great write-in books for kindergarten. For those early grades especially, there is a lot of benefit in homeschooling. First, those are the years that most shape your children. If they are around you/your wife all the time, you/your wife will be the most powerful mold that will shape them for the rest of their lives. Beyond everyday influence, they will learn better to respect you.
As far as the other grades such as 1st, 2nd, & 3rd, the story is basically the same.
In higher grades than that, we bought books that required you to do the work outside the book, I.e on a piece of lined paper. Doing so allowed us to use the same books for everyone.
Another plus of homeschooling: you can go at your own speed. Most of us graduated highschool at 16-17. What we would typically do is continue school through the summer, and take time off throughout the school year to go on vacation. You can get cheaper rates that way, an important factor for a family of nine.

[bjcheung77]

I would highly recommend homeschooling. I and my six siblings were homeschooled, and we were blessed tremendously by it. For the little ones, you can buy some really cheap and absolutely great write-in books for kindergarten. For those early grades especially, there is a lot of benefit in homeschooling. First, those are the years that most shape your children. If they are around you/your wife all the time, you/your wife will be the most powerful mold that will shape them for the rest of their lives. Beyond everyday influence, they will learn better to respect you.
As far as the other grades such as 1st, 2nd, & 3rd, the story is basically the same.
In higher grades than that, we bought books that required you to do the work outside the book, I.e on a piece of lined paper. Doing so allowed us to use the same books for everyone.
Another plus of homeschooling: you can go at your own speed. Most of us graduated highschool at 16-17. What we would typically do is continue school through the summer, and take time off throughout the school year to go on vacation. You can get cheaper rates that way, an important factor for a family of nine.

That's just awesome. I have friends who have been homeschooling their children (ages 10 and 8) and they speak highly about the process. For me, I would love to do a mix of both homeschool and public school. The only thing drawing me back is the "interaction" with other people, they only learn from the parents and there are no other "students/teachers" for them to interact with such as playing sports or going to the park/playground. Other than that, I totally am on the band wagon for homeschooling.

[dfrecore]

That's just awesome. I have friends who have been homeschooling their children (ages 10 and 8) and they speak highly about the process. For me, I would love to do a mix of both homeschool and public school. The only thing drawing me back is the "interaction" with other people, they only learn from the parents and there are no other "students/teachers" for them to interact with such as playing sports or going to the park/playground. Other than that, I totally am on the band wagon for homeschooling.

All of the homeschoolers we know (ourselves included until recently) had kids who were in a variety of activities - church youth group, sports, scouts, FFA; and then most of them either were in a homeschool charter school, part-time homeschool through a private Christian high school, or did co-op activities with other families. Not a single family that I'm aware of just stayed home 24/7 with no interaction with other people. That's a big misconception that many people have, but it's pretty far off-base from my personal experience.

Also, a lot of their learning these last few years was not just me teaching them - we did Math-U-See and VideoText Algebra, which were video-based instruction. Their grammar was video-based. Their writing program was video-based. My son did Latin with a private company that was online once a week. After a time, just about everything they did was on the computer or TV screen, and I just helped them with their work, rather than doing all the teaching.

My kids were the only kids I knew who did not want to do a lot of schooling outside of home - they just liked it better when we did stuff on our own at home (they begged me to stop having them go to classes at their charter school a few years ago, so we went "rogue" for the last few years). Then they did their other activities that they wanted to do in the evenings (my son is in Civil Air Patrol and church youth group, and will start wrestling on a private team as soon as the season starts; my daughter has played competitive soccer for years, and now is running Cross Country and will try out for her high school soccer team and run track in the spring). We are hardly shut-ins!

[Beacon]

Hello Everyone,

My kids are getting to the tender age of starting Kindergarten in September! Woot Woot, the other is starting pre-school.
I was wondering would it save more $ if I get my wife to home school the kids? Or would it be better to have her working?
If I get my wife to work, we can potentially have the grand parents take over the home schooling activities as they've retired.

Will it be a bit of a dent in the wallet compared to actually going to school? Does anyone here use distributed learning?
Or is all the courses correspondence/online? Even if they're starting from kindergarten onwards up to graduation?
It's just a thought as I would like them to learn more than the "general curriculum" at the primary school near by.

Decisions, Decisions,
Thanks all!

I've been homeschooled my whole life and I'm a junior in high school. I think it's a fantastic idea! The kids can learn at their own pace, and they learn how to live life from their parents primarily instead of being raised by their peers in a school setting.

[cookderosa]

<this won't be my soapbox....this won't be my soapbox....this won't be my soapbox>

Homeschoolers get the "what about socialization" question as often as you hear people ask if CLEP is a legitimate way to earn credit, so you're going to get very emotional answers to that question, but mainly because it's a sensitive subject. I can only speak for myself, but let me say I have accumulated a lot of thoughts on this issue over the past 20 years, in addition, I've watched it play out in my family as well as the families of many of my friends. (I'll admit my bias, we only choose good families to be friends with, so my sample is exceptionally good )

I pulled this to help: Socialization Medical Definition | Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary

socialization
noun so·cial·iza·tion
Medical Definition of socialization
: the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status


Now, for my opinion. It is my observation that schools do a crappy job socializing children to become adults because of the unavoidable nature of being in a group. Large groups, by their nature, create an artificial culture that may or may not develop the habits, beliefs, and knowledge of society that YOU want displayed by your kids. My opinion and observation is that some parents also do a crappy job socializing children to become adults.

So, to grow adults, you need dedicated and deliberate parents working their butts off to create good adults out of a child. I think when you put your kid in a group, you're outnumbered, and will have to work 10x as hard as the parent who is setting up socialization activities on purpose. OTOH, parents who deliberately restrict social development aren't doing their kid any favors - so it's not a "one-size-fits-all" and so you'll see some homeschool kids that are awkward and uncomfortable in public... BUT you'll see some public school children that are drug users, overtly sexual, inconsiderate of others, loud, mean, and unable to to behave "maturely" in public.

We have always been very deliberate with our kid's social development. For us, that's meant a host of things that had nothing to do with dropping them into a group of strangers and calling it good. It's hard work to raise good kids that can function as adults.

One final thought, some kids are introverts, and others are extroverts - so that doesn't change based on where they go to school. If you have an introvert, you'll have to work very hard at helping them feel comfortable forming relationships with peers, people of the opposite sex, people of all ages, people of authority as well as subordinates. Extroverts can figure a lot of that out on their own because they thrust themselves into more settings and experiences, so they have more opportunity.

I have 3 extroverts and 1 introvert.
I have 1 naturally driven and 3 that are average.
I have 2 naturally very smart and 2 with learning difficulties.
I have 2 that are always the center of attention, and 2 that avoid the spotlight.
I have 3 that are natural athletes and 1 that I have to force.
I have 2 that have a ton of friends, and 2 that have one close friend.


As you can see, there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution, but that also means there isn't a one-size-fits-all problem. You just have to realize that as much as homeschooling isn't one thing, neither is public schooling.

[clepper1996]

I agree 110%. The things kids pick up these days is terrible. When you're homeschooled, your parents can have a tighter hold on who your peers are, so they can make sure that you are learning things when and how you should. Especially as a youngster, you can very easily pick up terrible things at school that will negatively impact you for the rest of your life. If exposed to those things (appropriately) at an older age, if you have a solid base, those things will not taint you. But being told those things as a ten year old by another ten year old who heard it from a fifteen year old, who heard it from a seventeen year old, is just plain unhealthy.

[dfrecore]

<this won't be my soapbox....this won't be my soapbox....this won't be my soapbox>

Homeschoolers get the "what about socialization" question as often as you hear people ask if CLEP is a legitimate way to earn credit, so you're going to get very emotional answers to that question, but mainly because it's a sensitive subject. I can only speak for myself, but let me say I have accumulated a lot of thoughts on this issue over the past 20 years, in addition, I've watched it play out in my family as well as the families of many of my friends. (I'll admit my bias, we only choose good families to be friends with, so my sample is exceptionally good )

I pulled this to help: Socialization Medical Definition | Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary

socialization
noun so·cial·iza·tion
Medical Definition of socialization
: the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status


Now, for my opinion. It is my observation that schools do a crappy job socializing children to become adults because of the unavoidable nature of being in a group. Large groups, by their nature, create an artificial culture that may or may not develop the habits, beliefs, and knowledge of society that YOU want displayed by your kids. My opinion and observation is that some parents also do a crappy job socializing children to become adults.

So, to grow adults, you need dedicated and deliberate parents working their butts off to create good adults out of a child. I think when you put your kid in a group, you're outnumbered, and will have to work 10x as hard as the parent who is setting up socialization activities on purpose. OTOH, parents who deliberately restrict social development aren't doing their kid any favors - so it's not a "one-size-fits-all" and so you'll see some homeschool kids that are awkward and uncomfortable in public... BUT you'll see some public school children that are drug users, overtly sexual, inconsiderate of others, loud, mean, and unable to to behave "maturely" in public.

We have always been very deliberate with our kid's social development. For us, that's meant a host of things that had nothing to do with dropping them into a group of strangers and calling it good. It's hard work to raise good kids that can function as adults.

One final thought, some kids are introverts, and others are extroverts - so that doesn't change based on where they go to school. If you have an introvert, you'll have to work very hard at helping them feel comfortable forming relationships with peers, people of the opposite sex, people of all ages, people of authority as well as subordinates. Extroverts can figure a lot of that out on their own because they thrust themselves into more settings and experiences, so they have more opportunity.

I have 3 extroverts and 1 introvert.
I have 1 naturally driven and 3 that are average.
I have 2 naturally very smart and 2 with learning difficulties.
I have 2 that are always the center of attention, and 2 that avoid the spotlight.
I have 3 that are natural athletes and 1 that I have to force.
I have 2 that have a ton of friends, and 2 that have one close friend.


As you can see, there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution, but that also means there isn't a one-size-fits-all problem. You just have to realize that as much as homeschooling isn't one thing, neither is public schooling.

Very unbiased, well-rounded analysis.

Whenever people point out that they knew "this one weird kid who was homeschooled", I like to point out the weird kids I knew when I was a kid - in public school! There will always be people who don't fit the norm. There will always be awkward people who don't fit in.

One of the other things I noticed is that now, when you have a kid who is awkward, or doesn't fit in, and they get picked on in school - you can pull them out and homeschool them. I also know quite a few moms who pulled their kids on the autistic spectrum out of public school because they were not getting the help that they needed. So if you see a "weird" homeschooler, know that they would just be a "weird" kid in public school, but their parents decided not to subject them to that situation. It might be a "freakanomics" thing, where more kids who don't fit in end up being homeschooled, making it look like more homeschooled kids end up "weird" - but really, they were always having problems, the issues were there BEFORE the homeschooling began, homeschooling didn't CAUSE them.

[Mamasaphire]

<this won't be my soapbox....this won't be my soapbox....this won't be my soapbox>

Homeschoolers get the "what about socialization" question as often as you hear people ask if CLEP is a legitimate way to earn credit, so you're going to get very emotional answers to that question, but mainly because it's a sensitive subject. I can only speak for myself, but let me say I have accumulated a lot of thoughts on this issue over the past 20 years, in addition, I've watched it play out in my family as well as the families of many of my friends. (I'll admit my bias, we only choose good families to be friends with, so my sample is exceptionally good )

I pulled this to help: Socialization Medical Definition | Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary

socialization
noun so·cial·iza·tion
Medical Definition of socialization
: the process by which a human being beginning at infancy acquires the habits, beliefs, and accumulated knowledge of society through education and training for adult status


Now, for my opinion. It is my observation that schools do a crappy job socializing children to become adults because of the unavoidable nature of being in a group. Large groups, by their nature, create an artificial culture that may or may not develop the habits, beliefs, and knowledge of society that YOU want displayed by your kids. My opinion and observation is that some parents also do a crappy job socializing children to become adults.

So, to grow adults, you need dedicated and deliberate parents working their butts off to create good adults out of a child. I think when you put your kid in a group, you're outnumbered, and will have to work 10x as hard as the parent who is setting up socialization activities on purpose. OTOH, parents who deliberately restrict social development aren't doing their kid any favors - so it's not a "one-size-fits-all" and so you'll see some homeschool kids that are awkward and uncomfortable in public... BUT you'll see some public school children that are drug users, overtly sexual, inconsiderate of others, loud, mean, and unable to to behave "maturely" in public.

We have always been very deliberate with our kid's social development. For us, that's meant a host of things that had nothing to do with dropping them into a group of strangers and calling it good. It's hard work to raise good kids that can function as adults.

One final thought, some kids are introverts, and others are extroverts - so that doesn't change based on where they go to school. If you have an introvert, you'll have to work very hard at helping them feel comfortable forming relationships with peers, people of the opposite sex, people of all ages, people of authority as well as subordinates. Extroverts can figure a lot of that out on their own because they thrust themselves into more settings and experiences, so they have more opportunity.

I have 3 extroverts and 1 introvert.
I have 1 naturally driven and 3 that are average.
I have 2 naturally very smart and 2 with learning difficulties.
I have 2 that are always the center of attention, and 2 that avoid the spotlight.
I have 3 that are natural athletes and 1 that I have to force.
I have 2 that have a ton of friends, and 2 that have one close friend.


As you can see, there isn't a one-size-fits-all solution, but that also means there isn't a one-size-fits-all problem. You just have to realize that as much as homeschooling isn't one thing, neither is public schooling.

Very unbiased, well-rounded analysis.

Whenever people point out that they knew "this one weird kid who was homeschooled", I like to point out the weird kids I knew when I was a kid - in public school! There will always be people who don't fit the norm. There will always be awkward people who don't fit in.

One of the other things I noticed is that now, when you have a kid who is awkward, or doesn't fit in, and they get picked on in school - you can pull them out and homeschool them. I also know quite a few moms who pulled their kids on the autistic spectrum out of public school because they were not getting the help that they needed. So if you see a "weird" homeschooler, know that they would just be a "weird" kid in public school, but their parents decided not to subject them to that situation. It might be a "freakanomics" thing, where more kids who don't fit in end up being homeschooled, making it look like more homeschooled kids end up "weird" - but really, they were always having problems, the issues were there BEFORE the homeschooling began, homeschooling didn't CAUSE them.

All of the homeschoolers we know (ourselves included until recently) had kids who were in a variety of activities - church youth group, sports, scouts, FFA; and then most of them either were in a homeschool charter school, part-time homeschool through a private Christian high school, or did co-op activities with other families. Not a single family that I'm aware of just stayed home 24/7 with no interaction with other people. That's a big misconception that many people have, but it's pretty far off-base from my personal experience.

Also, a lot of their learning these last few years was not just me teaching them - we did Math-U-See and VideoText Algebra, which were video-based instruction. Their grammar was video-based. Their writing program was video-based. My son did Latin with a private company that was online once a week. After a time, just about everything they did was on the computer or TV screen, and I just helped them with their work, rather than doing all the teaching.

My kids were the only kids I knew who did not want to do a lot of schooling outside of home - they just liked it better when we did stuff on our own at home (they begged me to stop having them go to classes at their charter school a few years ago, so we went "rogue" for the last few years). Then they did their other activities that they wanted to do in the evenings (my son is in Civil Air Patrol and church youth group, and will start wrestling on a private team as soon as the season starts; my daughter has played competitive soccer for years, and now is running Cross Country and will try out for her high school soccer team and run track in the spring). We are hardly shut-ins!

Love it!!!! As a second gen homeschool parent, I couldn't have said it better than either dfrecore or cookderosa, so I won't try.

Just wanted to chime in and say that both of their perspective are very accurate from what I've seen over the last 40 years or so -- when I was homeschooled, and now that I have been homeschooling my own children, some of whom are in their late teens & early 20's.

Seriously, "socialization", or what the general population means when they say it, is typically not an issue for true/dedicated homeschoolers in my experience.