Stressed & Depressed - today’s high school students

[dfrecore]

I recently ordered my HS transcript (I had to send it to a CC anyway), and I was surprised at my grades, which were...average I guess. I got a 3.0 overall, but honestly, I did not work that hard, I just did my homework (and obviously didn't do all of it all the time), and had a shit-ton of fun. I was a good kid, but busy with friends, activities, sports, etc.

My HS son (he's a senior) is not a huge fan of school except socially. He is NOT planning for a 4yr degree, because he just doesn't like school much. Instead, he's vacillating between a local CC for a degree in the trades (about 18mo) or enlisting in the Marines. Not sure which way he will go. I did tell him that I expect some effort in school (he only has 3 classes, and is smart enough to not have to work super hard to at least pass). But I'm not going to get straight A's from this kid, he's just not interested.

We've spent a LOT of time discussing non-college options for after he graduates. Lots of time spent discussing what life will look like under different scenarios. Like in our house, after you graduate from HS, you're either a FT student and PT worker, or a FT worker and PT student (or FT/FT if you really want). But Taco Bell (or fast food) is not really a way to get ahead in life, he has to shoot for more than that. Not saying that you can't progress at a fast food job, but he hated working fast food already and knows that's not going to be what he wants to do forever. The takeaway is that he needs a PLAN. But I'm willing to look at those with him. There have been a LOT of them thrown around over the last couple of years.

He also has said that a lot of girls at school are "insane." Like, just nuts. He's not interested in dating at all, and hopes that girls he meets once he's out of high school will be "normal." I'm not even sure if he knows what that looks like, but he knows that the ones he sees every day are not what he's interested in. So I'm thinking that even though HE is not personally stressed and depressed, that the girls at school are. Not entirely sure if that's helpful to you or not.

I would advise your kid to do the bare minimum at school, not get overly stressed about things, and have some outlets, including sports or physical activity on a VERY regular basis. My kids both thrived with physical activity, it certainly helps with depression. Kept them engaged with like-minded friends, they had to keep their grades at least a certain GPA, and just the physical outlet is so important. If there's no school sport that he's interested in, I'd find something outside of school.

If it turns out that he wants to do more as he gets older (this sometimes happens with boys as they mature), then he can take on more. If it turns out that he just doesn't love school, it's perfectly fine to come up with an other plan - a CC, a trade school, a Gap year to travel the world and do missionary work before starting his adult life - so many options. I think kids hear "college, college, college" so much that it's stressful and just not to everyone's strengths. Tell him it's ok to not care about college right now. Take off the pressure if you can.