Should you force your child to continue with lessons

[rebel100]

Hmm, I guess this is something my wife and I need to start thinking about now. My daughter is 9 and we've never made her join any kind of activity. Well I guess we did with swimming. She loves the pool and didn't know how to swim, so one summer we enrolled her for lessons and now she's a fish. The other thing she loves doing is shooting guns, she started when she was 6, almost 7 years old. We take her to the shooting range and she's a natural at hitting targets, but safety is always first. She finally started shooting the military cartriges and did great, so we'll see how much she retained when I get back home. She's anxious to kill her first deer. We are thinking of enrolling her in competition shooting with rimfire guns. I think she'll do well there, and it is something she loves doing.

My #1 all time favorite IC post! Simply Awesome.


Taylor.....she needs your love and security. While you may be apart, you and mom still need to work together to make her feel that you both love her, and you are still united in seeking the best for her....consistency and love are far more important than tennis lessons.

BTW your 7 year old will be 20 before you know it...cherish every second.

[dcan]

The simple fact that you are putting this much thought and concern into it, and trying to find the balance between "Disney" dad and strong dad and simply loving dad, means you and she will do pretty well compared to the alternatives. Trust me.

[MomOfMany]

CLEP 101 swimming is my exception. I don't consider that an extracurricular. Swimming is just as important as learning to walk. It's a life skill. And one that can save their life. A person never knows how important it is they know how to swim until they are drowning. Floods, trip across the creek in the woods... I think every child who doesn't have a medical exception should learn how to swim at least well enough to not sink like a rock.

[sandraeli]

You're doing great.

I'm a single parent of ten years, and my son's dad and I used to put ourselves through the "because of the divorce" guilt. Before you attribute any child-related thing to divorce, ask yourself whether other children and parents are experiencing the same thing.

My son didn't do well in second grade with a particular teacher, and we beat ourselves up all year over it. The next year, identical twins moved to that grade, one in my son's former teacher's class and the other in another teacher's classroom. Both parents in an affluent, well-adjusted home, and guess what? The misery of the twin in the culprit's classroom could be seen from a mile away, made even more evident by the happiness of the other. The teacher moved on after that year.

By the way, I don't consider my home "broken." The marriage, yes, but not our home. We have pizza and movie night, go to Grandma's house and play with cousins, ride bikes (though not as much as either of us would like), and have heart-to-heart talks and moments we might not otherwise have shared. My son is 15 now, and I believe someday he will make a wonderful husband and father. Just use your heart.

[taylor]

Yeah, I think as a divorced parent I have a tendency to overanalyze why she acts the way she does sometimes, more often than not it is just her being a 7 year old. I'm sure the divorce has had some effect on her but I think her mom and I have done the best we could to make her feel just like any other kid her age. The toughest part for me is that I don't see her for the most part Sun-Th so when I see her on the weekends there's always some gaps because I miss more than 70% of her development. It's like her mental and physical maturity went through warp speed during my absence compared to it being more gradual if I saw her everyday. That's why when she tells me that she can't wait to be 12 years old because her mom told her she would buy her a puppy, I tell her I want you to be my baby girl as long as you can. Getting older just happens, you don't need to speed up the process.

As far as me being disappointed in her for not wanting to take tennis lessons, all the feedback has given me a clearer picture of what I need to improve on, as far as myself as her parent. Honestly, if I didn't hear some of the wisdom in this forum, I probably would've given her a break this week and then tried to coax her to get tennis lessons next week. But now I plan on just allowing her be a happy 7 year old kid and not make her feel bad for not wanting to take any more tennis lessons because her dad wants her to be able to serve and have a backhand. I don't know what that exact age is that I need to have this conversation about being commited and following through but I know now it's not now and I will give her a couple of more years and see.

Thanks again.

[bogey72]

I agree with the others 100%. I have had to learn to fight my battles. A tennis lesson would not even be a blip on the radar. You sound like a great dad. The absolute worst thing you could have done was to force her to go to the tennis lesson. Good job.

[ryoder]

I was never forced to do anything. In fact I was never encouraged to join any sport or league. All of my options were my own. One day I decided I wanted to join the band, so I walked down to the band room and talked with the band instructor. I told him that I didn't have any money and would play any appropriately male instrument (no flute boy here!) that I could borrow from the school for free. He showed me a couple of instruments (his name was Mr. School!) and I picked the baratone. It was pretty cool. I came home with an instrument and a lesson book and told my mom I was now in the band.
I also bought my own computer at 10 years old and joined basketball the same year with zero consultation with my mom.

Now I did consult my mom heavily in all matters of the heart. She was my personal advocate when I was dumped in 4th grade by the most beautiful girl I had ever known, Emily But when it came to my "career" I was in charge but I kept her up to date with my progress. I am a mama's boy too.

[alleycat]

God Bless you Taylor for being the best parent possible to your child. This child is blessed because you hold her in such high regard.
Being a single parent is such an excruciatingly difficult job. Completely under rated. So misunderstood. Unless you have been there then you really cannot grasp the complete magnitude of the task at hand.

[ryoder]

Committed and "following through". I think you should have put "no pun intended" as it relates to tennis