Need advice about jobs - HELP!

[burbuja0512]

Hi all,


Those of you who've seen me post over the years might have seen me ask question after question for my oldest son, who is now almost 23 and has been studying for CLEPS, taking SL, community college courses, online classes, and even taking ALEKS and FEMA courses since he was about 17.     It's been a LONG time and a ridiculous amount of work.   

However, it hasn't been easy.  He was diagnosed with ADHD, type I inattentive, and has tried all sorts of medication - none of it make him a good student, and all of it with side effects he can't tolerate.   He's even had his IQ tested as part of his lengthy neuropsych testing and it's "at least" 130, but with his ADHD it's hard to be completely accurate on the test... but the point is he DOES have the brains to do what he wants.

Anyhow, he has finally reached a breaking point.    After all these years and he's only managed to collect just over 30 credits, his 18-year-old younger sister who is in B&M college has surpassed his credit number and it's just too much to bear.    And he has tried literally everything.   I've even sat down next to him when he takes classes or studies for CLEP and this just isn't working. 

So, my overall advice to him is as he is quitting his studies is, look, a degree isn't for everyone.   I'm ok with that.  But you can't just go out into the world with no real skills.    You need skills.   Look into a trade or something like that.    However, I was looking into trades, and so many of them require at least a community college degree, which at this point in his life, I'm 100% certain he isn't able to do.

I don't really know many people with trade-type jobs.   Does anyone here have any ideas?   He's an amazing worker and has a job right now where he puts in 110%.  He also volunteers weekly, so work ethic isn't a problem.  Learning on the job is a strength for him, so an apprenticeship would probably be great.    


Thank you so much for any thoughts or advice.   I'm so stressed about this and I want to help him.  He's worked so hard and it's heartbreaking not to have any good suggestions.

[quigongene]

This is not for everyone by a long shot, but when I was 18 I had failed out of college and had no idea what I wanted to do. I also knew I wanted to travel, but really had no idea where. I ended up joining the US Navy to get some OJT and some travel. I did my 4 years, learned a lot about electronics and computers, and got an honorable discharge with veteran status. These things helped enough to get me jobs over the next 20 years. I got out in 1996, and just now hit a point where I actually need a degree to get promoted at my current job.

[burbuja0512]

This is not for everyone by a long shot, but when I was 18 I had failed out of college and had no idea what I wanted to do.  I also knew I wanted to travel, but really had no idea where.  I ended up joining the US Navy to get some OJT and some travel.  I did my 4 years, learned a lot about electronics and computers, and got an honorable discharge with veteran status.  These things helped enough to get me jobs over the next 20 years.  I got out in 1996, and just now hit a point where I actually need a degree to get promoted at my current job.

I like this idea and am considering recommending military for him if he can't think of anything else.  I'm just not sure if he'll get in with the ADHD diagnosis.   I have read that with "just" ADHD, you can probably get in, but he's also been diagnosed with depression in the past, which might make it a no-go with a combination of the two.

But in all fairness, I truly don't believe that he has serious clinical depression - we've agreed that it was probably situational and due to a move and having to go months through a long winter without any friends or social outlet.  He no longer needs medication.  So not sure if this would factor in.  I don't know a lot about how strict the recruitment process is these days.

[quigongene]

I don't know a lot about how strict the recruitment process is these days.

The worst they can say is no. I would also talk to multiple recruiters. When I was "shopping", different branches had different entry requirements.

[MNomadic]

This is not for everyone by a long shot, but when I was 18 I had failed out of college and had no idea what I wanted to do.  I also knew I wanted to travel, but really had no idea where.  I ended up joining the US Navy to get some OJT and some travel.  I did my 4 years, learned a lot about electronics and computers, and got an honorable discharge with veteran status.  These things helped enough to get me jobs over the next 20 years.  I got out in 1996, and just now hit a point where I actually need a degree to get promoted at my current job.

I like this idea and am considering recommending military for him if he can't think of anything else.  I'm just not sure if he'll get in with the ADHD diagnosis.   I have read that with "just" ADHD, you can probably get in, but he's also been diagnosed with depression in the past, which might make it a no-go with a combination of the two.

But in all fairness, I truly don't believe that he has serious clinical depression - we've agreed that it was probably situational and due to a move and having to go months through a long winter without any friends or social outlet.  He no longer needs medication.  So not sure if this would factor in.  I don't know a lot about how strict the recruitment process is these days.

He may or may not be able to get waivers to get in but an important question would be; is the military right for him? Based on him having well above average intelligence, adhd, and possible susceptibility to depression, I wouldn't recommend it. A person's general experience is shaped by many factors such as branch, job/mos, and their command(which is a roll of the dice). I suggest you ask a question: how would he react to potentially being ordered to do inherently stupid stuff on a potentially constant basis without being able to question it(not just in bootcamp but possibly for years into an enlistment)? An example would be getting ordered to mop outside in the rain just "because."

[dfrecore]

It would probably depend a lot on the branch as to how he'd be treated. Maybe look at the air force (considered the "smart" branch, although they all have their pros and cons).

I agree that a college degree isn't for everyone.

How about something like auto mechanics? I don't think that requires a 2-yr degree. Not sure about HVAC, Plumbing, Electrician. Certainly construction doesn't. I'd keep looking to see what's out there. I don't think most trades require an AA, but I could be wrong.

[davewill]

I've walked in his shoes. I spent ten years not getting my first two years of college done before giving up, while wondering why my peers could just go to the university and bang out their degrees. We didn't know about ADHD then, but that's what it was. I managed by pushing forward to learn computer programming on my own and eventually became a software developer without a degree. Even then, I can't count the number of times I would zone out and get nothing done for a month, then pull a week of intense effort to perform a "miracle". It's highly stressful and very hard on your self-esteem when you are constantly worried that someone will notice you're not doing what you're supposed to and you pretty much blame yourself.

Let him take some time without having to formally study something. If he can hold down any job for a while, let him do that. It will be good for him. 

What does he like to do? Most of us inattentives can hyperfocus on things when either highly interested or highly motivated. If he loves something in particular, let him dive into it on his own for a while. There may be opportunities to get paid for doing it down the road. He may be able to come back to school in some form later, but I think it's time to take the stress off for a bit.

[dfrecore]

I've walked in his shoes. I spent ten years not getting my first two years of college done while wondering why my peers could just go to the university and bang out their degrees. We didn't know about ADHD then, but that's what it was. I managed by pushing forward to learn computer programming on my own and eventually became a software developer without a degree. Even then, I can't count the number of times I would zone out and get nothing done for a month, then pull a week of intense effort to perform a "miracle". It's highly stressful and very hard on your self-esteem when you are constantly worried that someone will notice you're not doing what you're supposed to and you pretty much blame yourself.

Let him take some time without having to formally study something. If he can hold down any job for a while, let him do that. It will be good for him. 

What does he like to do? Most of us inattentives can hyperfocus on things when either highly interested or highly motivated. If he loves something in particular, let him dive into it on his own for a while. There may be opportunities to get paid for doing it down the road. He may be able to come back to school in some form later, but I think it's time to take the stress off for a bit.

I agree.  I've been talking to my daughter about this - I've said that there are 2 things that can happen after HS graduation: maturity, and life experience.  Neither can be rushed, both just take TIME.  It's ok to give yourself time to attain both of those things.

I think he probably needs to just slow down and start asking some questions of himself: what does he like and not like about his current job?  Figure out what other job he could get that is better (pay, hours, whatever) and the steps to get that job.  How does he feel about the steps?  Requires a degree?  Then look at some other jobs.  Really spend time trying to look at what's going on, without having to actually make a decision, or do anything about it right now.  No stress, just introspection and research for a while.

[bjcheung77]

I would have a chat with him and advise him to take things slowly and think it over, he needs to decide what he wants to do. While it takes time to decipher what he would like, have a 5-year plan, 10-year plan, but work on something for now. What does he do now for work?

If he's working in the restaurant/fast food industry, some provide tuition reimbursement. Such as these Restaurants: Chili's, KFC, Starbucks - Chipotle and more, he can work and take 1 course at a time or 2 courses, he'll get there eventually as long as he doesn't give up on it completely.

He has the option of doing his courses at any time with Onlinedegree.com, it's just $9/proctored exam.
He can continue with CLEP at his own pace, using Modern States as long as the vouchers are available.
Has he tried Sophia, Study.com or dare I ask, Saylor? Get him to play a sport or volunteer as "time off study".

What I would recommend is this program, since he's under 24, he should be qualified.
Have a read here, the program is called Year Up: https://www.yearup.org/
Apply: https://www.yearup.org/future-students/w...tional-us/

[burbuja0512]

Wow so many great comments. I really appreciate the support. This has been hard on his self esteem and seeing that there are other options is very helpful.

His current job is teaching English to kids in China online. He volunteers at our local career center to help ESL adults, so his areas of career interest really don't match his (current) ability to get a degree. But, he's done a great job at anything he's tried, DOING isn't the problem, it's the study part.

I had him look through the thread and he likes the idea of the Air Force, but I do think he needs to consider the comment about how will his personality match what they'll have him do.... we'll see. In the meanwhile, I'd love to hear any other thoughts. We've gone through so many different career possibilities during these unsuccessful years of study that I know it takes a LOT of trying to get it right in some cases.