opinion on military school for ADHD teen

[EducationSeeker]

Does he receiving different therapies and counseling to help him manage his ADHD and Asperger's? With having Central Auditory Processing Disorder, I don't know that the military would be a great fit for him. Does he receive speech therapy?

Do some research on motivation. Motivation is something that comes from within the individual person. You can't motivate him. He has to motivate himself. This is something he can can work on with therapists and counselors.

School and education is not for everyone! My brother HATED school. Thought he had to go to school for 1 day. First day of kindergarten, he held onto our mother's leg SCREAMING not to make him go....she walked across a highway like this with him and walked up the school bus steps and pealed him off. He came home and said it wasn't bad. Then he found out he had to go back the next day and it started all over. He couldn't wait to graduate. He did 1 semester at community college and was absolutely miserable. He has had a success career and is in demand. He's a BMW mechanic. He learned in high school how to fix his car. He was good at it which led to a job. He's also someone who will find ways to make a job take less time. He doesn't cut corners, but he has figured out ways to complete tasks such as rebuilding an engine. If the mechanic's book says something is a 10 hour job, he challenges himself to get it done in 8 hours. He excels at this. He's taught his co-workers some of the ways he can get work completed faster. This has helped him earn more money, too.

Then there's me. I love education. I can't get enough. Our sister has a bachelor's degree and wants nothing more to do with education. She's done and over it.

As someone who lives with ADHD, I can tell you that if school is something he's not interested in, it is like physical torture to the brain. There are things I hate doing in life and making myself do them is incredibly hard. Doesn't matter if it's something super simple that I can finish in 5 minutes. I have to mentally work myself up for it to do it. This drives my husband absolutely bonkers. He doesn't have ADHD so he doesn't have any idea how hard it is to do somethings in life.

Does his high school offer a vocational program for welding? If it does, I would ask him if he wants to give it a try. Some people with ADHD do really with having physical tasks to do instead of the bookwork. This could be where he excels in life. I wouldn't push military school on him. If he fails, then what happens? I would set him up for success with a program he's really interested. I would get him more therapies and counseling to help set up him for success in life as a working adult.

@ss20ts

Thank you for sharing your insight on your brother. You are totally right about motivation. He does have to motivate himself. If he is interested in something (which he tends to get hyper focused like a lot of people with ADHD) he will do it without a problem. The problem is getting him to be motivated even with things he doesn't want to do. 

Regarding therapy, I have tried him to go to behavioral therapy to deal with both his mom's death 2 years ago and some challenges he has in his life. He doesn't have any friends. He does have some online friends. However, he can relate to people and engage in conversations...he is just introverted. The one time he went to therapy was a waste of time. He didn't engage or relate at all with the therapist. I know it can take time, but, I cannot afford to waste money if he will not take therapy seriously. 

From a medication perspective, he took Guanfacine and Focalin back in 7th grade (currently Sophomore), but, he didn't like the fact that the medication took away his appetite. I have tried to keep stressing that medication can help him focus, but, I cannot force him to take it. He is too big physically to hold down (kidding). He is old enough that he has to feel the negative consequence and pain of not taking an action to motivate him towards taking medicine. 

He has a Math IEP and I have an IEP/ETR review with his teachers in about another week. Although he has been tested for Autism before and the results were inconclusive or in a gray area, the school psychologist is evaluating him at least educationally utilizing the Gilliam survey. I am not sure if this will help get him any more help than he currently has in school even if he is diagnosed as Autistic. If he will not take medicine and will not go to therapy, what more can you do as a parent? It is really frustrating. I love him dearly and he is a good kid, but, he can be really exhausting and challenging and it is hard to do as a single parent. He received speech therapy in elementary school, but, he has a very strong verbal ability so he is currently not getting it anymore....just IEP Math tutoring.

On a positive note, he is attending a local teen grief group and seems to be making friends there. He has a part time job at a restaurant doing food prep and dishes. He is completing the "book learning" online portion of his driving test and will likely be doing the driver's test this Fall.

Like your brother, he definitely likes the "hands on" learning and I think a trade or at least Engineering (how do things work) career that is not your traditional office job would be a good career option. He is naturally interested in Science, how things work, and has a very strong curiosity and a good mind.  He struggles with Math and needs things repeated, but, once he gets the math concept and has lots of repetition, he gets it. The irony is that a lot of the jobs he would do are fairly Math heavy (i.e. Engineering) and even Welding requires Chemistry, Physics, and basic Math knowledge.  So Welding, Aircraft Mechanic, Cybersecurity, or Manufacturing Technology would be good choices for him I believe. If he does Welding, I am encouraging him to pursue a Welding Engineering Bachelor's degree. 

The local Community College here in Ohio, Eastern Gateway CC, has an Associates in Welding and Ohio State has one of the few Welding Engineering program. He seemed receptive and interested in this program. We have nearly 3 years to figure it out. 


I don't understand not wanting to achieve academically. I love learning and greatly value it. I am the kind of person who wants to get a doctorate for the value of it and for achievement.

I think @bjcheung77's advice of having him pursue the dual enrollment options of Community College (like EGCC() that is free or a low cost is great idea in addition to CLEP. I also think if he can build success doing CLEP, it would be build his confidence with college courses.

Regarding the military, I have heard mixed things for people with ADHD. It can either be a great experience in discipline or it can set him up for failure. I hear your feedback about having to do certain things is mental torture, but, part of me as a Father is like that is life dude...suck it up. Part of being a functioning adult in society is doing things you don't want to do everyday (i.e. laundry, cooking, paying bills, raising kids). I try to be sympathetic with my kids, but, I also struggle with tolerating excuses. I wasn't given a choice that I lost my wife, but, if I don't do my job, other people suffer and starve. I realize children cannot totally process this kind of sacrifice, but, you have to begin to learn to sacrifice as an adult. 

I struggle with feeling adequate as a Dad doing both the job of a Mom and a Dad who has been going through severe grief myself without a net in life yet, I get stuff done. This is the model I am trying to instill in my boys. You rise to the occasion and persevere despite learning disabilities, not having parents, etc. Life ain't fare. You keep on keepin on anyway.

Sorry for the long reply and thank you for your insight.

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