Doctorates that aren't ridiculously writing heavy

[Sagan]

Here's a reference of how many words are in a dissertation: 90K - https://www.reading.ac.uk/graduateschool...egree.aspx
When I did a search of UK Uni's, it's roughly 70-100K words.  

Those are maximums, not minimums.

They're also for the PhD. Taught degrees usually require shorter dissertations.

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Do you get a "Doctorate" degree with it 

No.
You get a doctorate by doing a doctorate, not because of its level.