10-22-2019, 03:28 PM
It's difficult to push a child to do something when they are not motivated. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens is a good start IMO, it changed my daughter, and it changed me. That book teaches parents how to get your family and especially kids, on the same page without beating them up, holding a carrot over their head (like paying for grades and nonsense like that), supervising them, yelling, screaming. Following the habits really helped to smooth out the family dynamics. I think all adults in the home should try reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. If you've read it already, revisit it. Reread it.
Next, maybe just take the ACE credits every now and then, when you can afford them, and think of them as icing on the cake. The "Big Three" are colleges, but engineering is extremely competitive, with kids from all over the world applying to OUR schools and getting in because, frankly, they don't baby their kids when it comes to education. They understand the USA is a super power and they know the way from under poverty and regime change is having a kick ass education, (look at Japan... did they really lose the war?)
A few years ago I went to visit my girlfriend's family home in Connecticut. They're South Asians (or "Indians" as we americans call them). I walked in the home and what I saw changed me forever. Everyone was studying, talking about school work and academics, the older generation sitting patiently with the children. Her father is an engineer, she's an MIT grad and astronautical engineer, the mom is a teacher and her aunt is a surgeon. After a busy and exhausting day at work, all of this people were in the home with the next generation, tutoring them, helping them with homework, helping them with math and most times they were already far in front of the class, academically speaking. What I'm saying is, their family had a mission and the kids saw that the adults were not just paying lip service. They were spending the time to do the courses with them, even though they just came home from stressful jobs themselves. They whole family was on the same page and they had a unified mission. So the kid were not sitting there, scratching their heads, wondering what they should do with their lives... they already knew what they were interested in.
Now take my family in contrast
, us teenagers were watching television and netflix, horse playing, and afterwork the adults go upstairs and sleep, and my dad just beat the sh!t out of me when I brought home crappy grades. But I just took the beating and went back to playing video games and other time wasting activities.
It's a tough spot to be in. You want the best for your kid in this hyper competitive world, but at the same time you want them to show passion for something when they still cannot truly know who they are.
Maybe I'm rambling, but what I'm trying to say it, that it seems like you gotta do some deeper work here. The college thing won't work without a unified family mission that everyone is clear about and agrees on, shared values, and everyone in the house (parents included), pulling their weight to honor those values.
Like someone else said, don't put the cart before the horse.
Next, maybe just take the ACE credits every now and then, when you can afford them, and think of them as icing on the cake. The "Big Three" are colleges, but engineering is extremely competitive, with kids from all over the world applying to OUR schools and getting in because, frankly, they don't baby their kids when it comes to education. They understand the USA is a super power and they know the way from under poverty and regime change is having a kick ass education, (look at Japan... did they really lose the war?)
A few years ago I went to visit my girlfriend's family home in Connecticut. They're South Asians (or "Indians" as we americans call them). I walked in the home and what I saw changed me forever. Everyone was studying, talking about school work and academics, the older generation sitting patiently with the children. Her father is an engineer, she's an MIT grad and astronautical engineer, the mom is a teacher and her aunt is a surgeon. After a busy and exhausting day at work, all of this people were in the home with the next generation, tutoring them, helping them with homework, helping them with math and most times they were already far in front of the class, academically speaking. What I'm saying is, their family had a mission and the kids saw that the adults were not just paying lip service. They were spending the time to do the courses with them, even though they just came home from stressful jobs themselves. They whole family was on the same page and they had a unified mission. So the kid were not sitting there, scratching their heads, wondering what they should do with their lives... they already knew what they were interested in.
Now take my family in contrast
, us teenagers were watching television and netflix, horse playing, and afterwork the adults go upstairs and sleep, and my dad just beat the sh!t out of me when I brought home crappy grades. But I just took the beating and went back to playing video games and other time wasting activities. It's a tough spot to be in. You want the best for your kid in this hyper competitive world, but at the same time you want them to show passion for something when they still cannot truly know who they are.
Maybe I'm rambling, but what I'm trying to say it, that it seems like you gotta do some deeper work here. The college thing won't work without a unified family mission that everyone is clear about and agrees on, shared values, and everyone in the house (parents included), pulling their weight to honor those values.
Like someone else said, don't put the cart before the horse.
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