Opportunities...

[rebel100]

Well, interesting things are afoot...

As you all know, I received a promotion at work recently. More money, better title, but the organization I work for came in a couple bucks/hour less than I feel was deserved and it's left a somewhat bitter taste in my mouth. A couple of weeks ago a new possibility opened up.

A manager from the organization I currently work for also had some issues and was passed over a couple of times. He managed to find a way out and headed west for a new job about a year ago, this guy was something of a mentor for me and I've really missed having him around. I guess he misses me too as I got an email a few weeks ago that the organization he works for is looking for a new emergency manager...and he thought of me. One thing has led to another, couple of phone interviews, and now they want to fly me out for an in person interview. I'm excited, but there are issues.

This new position would be significantly more money, about a 35-40% increase over my current rate (and 3 times what I made last year). The new job is in a resort mountain town renowned for it's natural beauty and activities such as skiing, hiking, and rafting. Basically I could move to a place I would love to one day retire right now and have some time to really enjoy it. My wife and oldest daughter are psyched about it, the youngest is reluctant to leave her friends, but I'm confident she will grow to love it. I have two really big problems though...

First is that I own my current house (which I built myself) outright...I suffer no mortgage only have to pay the taxes lights and water to live...this position has meant great financial strength and is really what made it possible for me to return to school and take a lo paying job for the experience. If I take this new job halfway across the country I will have to buy a new house. I can of course sell the one I'm in, but there is a huge price disparity between here and there. Something comparable is going to run 2.5-3 times what my house here in Florida is worth. Even after I sell where i'm at and apply that money to a new house I'm likely to be left with a mortgage on 150-200K, that's $1000-1500 bucks a month easily, as much as 18K/year...so in essence the raise I would see would be reduced to just 10K or so. Makes me question the whole idea.

My other problem is bigger. I am in the beginning stages of caring for aging parents. They are still independent, but real issues and concerns are popping up. I don't know if I can leave them, and they are very reluctant to consider relocating to a place that has snow on the ground 4 months out of the year. I don't know how to address this, perhaps it makes the whole idea a non starter.

Not really asking a question here, these are just the things on my mind. I need to contact the new employer by Wednesday to make plans to fly out. Clearly not fair to take a trip on their dime if I won't be taking a job if offered.

It is a great problem to have...and I KNOW it wouldn't even be within the realm of possibility without the educational help I received on this forum, my BS and MBA have been a big part of getting me to this point.

[LaterBloomer]

It's nice to be wanted, isn't it?

How does job advancement look in your city/state? Are you going to be able to advance without moving? If not, you might want to consider this job. (Bird [almost] in hand thing.) How would it work for you family to become 3 generational house? Would that take some sting out of the housing costs? And if it does, would it allow your parents to become snow birds during the winter weather?

There are lots of bright, and creative folks on this forum. Some of them (where are you cookderosa?) will, I'm sure, come up with some really creative ideas. After all, we're the folks getting our degrees in creative ways.

Good luck.

[Lindagerr]

If I were you I would go for the interview, you might find you like the job so much you will find a way to deal with the other problems.

When my husband first told me of this job opportunity in Buffalo I laughed at him. No way was I going to move somewhere colder I wanted warm weather. We had some of your worries, but what I expected to see was a big dirty city ( I am a country girl) I hate cities. When we came for the interview (it was only a drive so they invited me to come too) I dropped my husband off and spent the day exploring the area (of course it was July and beautiful weather) I liked the area surrounding the city and the feeling of community I saw. My husband was very excited about the job and I finally agreed to the move.

Some of the things we had to weigh was our home had been our home for 28 years it was a small tight knit community and we had raised our children there. The house was more than half paid off and it would be hard to sell in the market at that time. My children were all adults but one needs to live with us because of disabilities. Our youngest was also living with us and had a full time job so he would stay in NJ. My oldest lived within an hour and my brother was near by. My husbands mother (in her 80's) also lived about an hour away with his brother. So we would be leaving all of our friends and family and going somewhere we knew no one.


EDIT: I must add when we came for the interview I was sure there was no way in HE** I was going to move to a colder ugly place. So even if you don't think you are taking it go and hear them out.

I was working towards my teaching certification in NJ and was more then half way there since graduating TESC. Moving meant I would have a hard time finishing that. I had all the work I needed subbing in two nearby school districts that I knew lots of people at. I was not sure what I would do with myself here.

Then there was the financial part of things my husband would be making more money then he was making in his current consulting job and the cost of living is much cheaper here. We got a house that is twice as big on twice as much land with half the property tax. This was a big pro.

So we made the move. My husband loves his job and is well respected at work we have been here less than 2 years and he was already promoted once. I love our new house it has most of the things I always wanted and some I didn't even know I wanted. The problem has been getting to know people and meeting new friends. Since I can't find a job here except occasional low paying substitute aide work I spend a great deal of time in the house I don't have any children in school so that is another avenue cut off. My son has also had a hard time making friends here and he also spends a lot of time in the house.

My M-I-L has taken a turn for the worse and it hard on my husband not getting to see her much. My mother was already 11 hours away by car (she is also in her 80's) now she is over 14 hours away and flights from Buffalo are less frequent and more expensive then flights from the NJ/NY area, my sister is near her but sometimes I feel she ends up with too much of the burden..

What I am trying to say with all this is sometimes you run into pros and cons you never expected. So do your homework, making 3X's as much money doesn't mean much if the cost of living is 3X's more. What are the opportunities for your wife and children in the new area? Is there anyone else to help with your parents or will you have the added expense of flying back and forth.

What are the opportunities for advancement in the new job compared to advancement in the job you have here. If that job does not work out will you have to move again or are there other places you could work near by, could you find a better job where you are?

I know there are lots of reasons not to go, but I am glad we did move. My husband is happier in his job, I love my new house and living in a new part of the country has opened my eyes to how different in some ways and alike in other ways we all are. We have lots of new places to go and see and we have lots of people come and visit and we get really good quality time with them when they are staying at our house.

So in my opinion get all the facts and spend time weighing the pros and cons, don't turn down the opportunity without taking a good look at it. As for your children it is hard to leave friends but with facebook and skype and all the other social media these days it is easy to keep in touch and when they make new friends it will widen their horizons.

Good Luck with whatever you choose and remember which ever way you go there will always be the what ifs.


In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. Bill Cosby

[ryoder]

Go ahead and interview and see how it goes. Proceed forward and when the offer is yours and you have all the info, decide.
I understand the question about the parents but you also have yourself and your own children to take care of. Money can take care of a lot of things, so it is best to make as much of it as you can.

[burbuja0512]

Mike - you already know what I think... but you have to do what feels right. Go for the interview and see what your gut instinct tell you. If you want to do it, you CAN find a way to make it work.

I don't ever think about money first, but if you like the job (not to mention the amazing town that you're talking about, which I LOVE) However, do keep in mind that once you make more, you can ask for more in future jobs. Your worth goes up and your potential increases. It's a climb up and if you really want to maximize your potential, the opportunities that arise may not always be in FL. But $$$$ isn't everything and always do what will make you happy first.

[sanantone]

I understand what you're saying about feeling guilty for taking a trip on their dime without being sure you want to take the job. I turned down a criminal justice scholarship at a CC because I knew I wouldn't be finishing a degree in criminal justice degree there. I was about to transfer to TESC after that semester and complete the social science degree. I thought the scholarship should go to someone else.

[hicandle]

I am with everyone else: Go. Meet the people, see the place. You might find out when you interview that it doesn't feel right, for what ever reason. A solid no is a good thing! Or, and I would not be surprised is this is the case, you'll LOVE it! And, given the option of checking it out too, your parents might love it! My mom is coming to live with me eventually. She will be going from sunshine most of the year to Minnesota. Need I say more! She is in no hurry, can still drive etc, but one day! As they say, seeing is believing! Also, with the house question: You built the house you are living in now? That means buying a fixer upper might be within the realm of possibility. Not, of course, if you hate remodeling, but perhaps you love it? That would mean buying in at a lower cost, but great potential resale... You have a lot to think about, I would say pray about! Can't wait to hear about the trip, interview and you and your family's ultimate decision. Good luck!

[cookderosa]

What I wanted to say I was worried to say, until I saw that others (especially Burbuja) were thinking along the same lines. I'm also of the opinion that there's more to life than money.
You can go to google and type in "Standard of Living Calculator" and get a few calculators that allow you to type in what you make now and where you live - then where you'd be and what you'd make. This shows you the real income. So, you can't really say it's 40% more unless you're comparing the same standards of living. You could do the math and figure if you had a mortgage here what your income would be like to get a more accurate picture. Also, will your wife have to work? Has she looked at opportunities there?
Taking care of aging parents is a real thing the young folks can't relate to. My dad and mom divorced when I was 3, and was raised by my grandparents and mom. Hubby and I took care of all 3 until they passed. My mom took her last breath in my home IN MY ARMS. Horrible, however, I have no regrets. That was 2009 and it wasn't until they had all passed (my mom was the last one) that we felt the freedom to consider moving, and as you know we did a year ago- out to NC. That said, I don't think that's a moral dilemma or an ethical one, I think it's a personal decision that YOU and your wife have to think about. I don't think there are right and wrong answers that are one size fits all.
Debt vs no debt? You probably know what I think of that.
Moving? It's exciting. In all honesty, my experience has not been 100% joy- more like 1% joy that has graduated toward the middle, and over the past few months I'm getting into the side that likes it here better than back home. Thing about moving far, is that it kinda feels like there was an apocalypse. You look around and there is nothing familiar, no familiar face, no familiar stores, etc. and that takes time. You'll have your co-worker, but your family will be starting from scratch. Don't underestimate the challenges that come with change and making new friends. Meeting people is easy, making new friends takes time. That said, moving is exciting!
What I would have done differently (because I have a strong marriage and I know you do to) is sent Tom ahead to work for 6 months-1 year while I stayed behind and sold the house carefully. We did this, but hadn't planned on it, so when he left for fall term I freaked out. I accepted a lower offer on the house and in all, he left in Aug, we moved here in Oct. That two months was not a huge deal in hindsight, I should have worked that into the plan, and allowed for him to really get into his job- look around the area- allow us to keep schooling and get our house ready for spring instead of rushing. When you're in a strong marriage for a long time with older kids, there shouldn't be panic around the situation. Careful planning is better. I'd rewind and do that phase differently.
I re-read what I wrote and it doesn't seem positive- so let me say that I think it's GREAT that you have this opportunity, a huge compliment too. Follow your gut, it's probably right~


EDIT: I'm sitting here checking my email, and can't stop thinking about your situation. Listen, having a paid off home mortgage is ROCK STAR STATUS. It's so incredibly rare and amazing that I'd be willing to bet you can't find another person in real life your age who can say that. I didn't say it at first, but *that* is one hell of an accomplishment. I'd look and see what you could sell your FL house for, and if you couldn't PAY CASH for your new house, I'd pass. The temptation will be to get a bigger-better and then you're back in the hamster wheel. Just my two cents. (which are not technically MY two cents since the bank has a mortgage on them )

[KayV]

My husband and I were in a *very* similar situation a few years ago, and one of the things that helped most was doing research about and touring senior living facilities in our new area while we looked at houses. We ended up having a list of four that would have been fine for my mom, and then when she first visited, we looked at them with her "just in case." It was a huge relief to have already done this when my mom had a fall last year and ended up needing assisted living. I just popped in to the four places unannounced to see how things were, crossed two more off the list, and asked her if she would rather be in Place A or Place B. She felt much better knowing where she would be and still having a choice of sorts, and I was so glad not to have to make that decision while dealing with her in the hospital, her rehab, etc.

If you decide to tour places, try to look at the continuum of care. Don't just look at independent living, but also assisted living and nursing homes, in case your parents have an unforeseen event like a stroke that fast-forwards them through the care process. You wouldn't necessarily have to tour your folks through nursing homes, but make sure you are comfortable with them.

[rebel100]

Thanks so much folks, I'm so glad I have you guys to bounce ideas off of. Lindagerr, Jennifer, and KayV, very personal stuff, thanks for sharing and your extended input...it's much appreciated.

I think I have just about talked myself out of this for the moment, but the potential employer gave me a real-estate contact that I will reach out to tomorrow, perhaps their perspective could change things. The idea of finding a fixer upper is one we have considered, I actually think I'm happiest with a hammer in my hand. It would still have to be an extraordinary deal though as I won't have a lot of time for projects for awhile...we will see.

On one hand going out for an interview would be a good thing, I learn a lot about myself when I'm "put out there" like that. It's a chance to re-affirm decisions and compare where you are to what's out there. I always seem to come away from any interview having learned about myself.

Definitely blessed to have such an opportunity...I doubt this will be the last one regardless of the choice made

Again, thanks so much to all of you! This group continues to influence, inspire, and motivate disproportionate to its size. I'm fortunate to be among you!