I think I might have failed the TESC Capstone course :(

[nepagirl]

I haven't received the final few grades (including the actual final project). This was a difficult course for me. It shouldn't have been since I love writing and research, but the format kept taking the wind out of my sails. I needed to see examples of what they want, but they didn't have anything to show me. Unfortunately, my perfectionism made me freeze every time I tried to complete an assignment because I had no clue if it was anywhere close to being correct! Assignments were turned in late, and when I finally found the guts to just get in there and do it, time was almost up. So, I submitted a sub-par paper with crappy citations. I'm afraid to reread the final project because I know there are all kinds of grammatical errors. The project was due before I could proofread.

This is really sad for me because it was the last class I needed to graduate. So disappointing!

[Prloko]

I haven't received the final few grades (including the actual final project). This was a difficult course for me. It shouldn't have been since I love writing and research, but the format kept taking the wind out of my sails. I needed to see examples of what they want, but they didn't have anything to show me. Unfortunately, my perfectionism made me freeze every time I tried to complete an assignment because I had no clue if it was anywhere close to being correct! Assignments were turned in late, and when I finally found the guts to just get in there and do it, time was almost up. So, I submitted a sub-par paper with crappy citations. I'm afraid to reread the final project because I know there are all kinds of grammatical errors. The project was due before I could proofread.

This is really sad for me because it was the last class I needed to graduate. So disappointing!

Don't beat yourself over your own head until you know for sure that you didn't pass. You may be giving yourself anxiety for nothing. If it doesn't go well, you can always try it again. The Capstone is designed to be a culmination of all you have learned. Did you take a writing class or did you CLEP it? Maybe the problem is you need to take a writing course again to help you.

It seems though, the bigger problem is your maladaptive perfectionism. As a young person, I was also the same way. I was so afraid to submit crappy work that I would dwell and stare at paragraph #1, trying to get the perfect intro. I instead would submit nothing because my failure could be attributed to not trying rather than any personal shortfall. Or almost as bad, like you, I would run out of time and scramble to submit ANYTHING; my final thoughts were well thought out, but the papers were chock full of errors.

I eventually got over it and realized that no one is perfect and that mistakes are expected, that is what the draft and revising process is designed to vet out.

If you are writing from beginning to end, the way I'm able to conquer this is one, carry a pen and notebook with you so you can write any ideas that just come to your head. Also, when you write, just free write on paper or on a Word document, whatever you use, just write/type every thought on your subject. You'll be surprised on how much you can write and you figure out you knew exactly what you wanted to say. After you're done, you can take all your notes and re-organize, edit, cut whatever you want. Your final process should be to write your conclusion and THEN your introduction, and of course lastly proof-read for grammar and formatting. Some people prefer to write out their outline first, but I like to have my paragraphs written roughly before I do the outline to organize my thoughts.

I hope this helps, I know how frustrating and self-defeating perfectionism can be. Just remember you are your own biggest critic. To err is human and only God is perfect. Good luck on your repeat effort (if needed).

[LaterBloomer]

Wow, Prioka! Who knew that this "condition" was shared by anyone but me? Nepagirl, it sounds like you're part of the club. (Maybe we should have a secret handshake, or something>)

Prioka gives wonderful advice. First, don't worry about it until you have to. If you can't stop ruminating about it, come up with a plan. Come up with the very worst conclusion (you failed), and figure out the consequences. Will you be taken out at dawn and shot? Nope. Will you lose your family and friends? Nope. So on and so on until you get to the consequence of failure. Then, figure out how you can work around, through, over, under, etc. the failure. Then, do it. Good luck.

[ironheadjack]

I have no advice for the OP, but for future capstone course students....if you've found this forum don't be afraid to ask for help. I was dreading the capstone course because I hate writing, my useless "mentor" couldn't supply me with a sample paper, so I asked for help on this forum. And 3 or 4 people sent me copies of their papers so I had some clue of what was expected.

Point of my post: this forum is full of helpful people if you are a lurker or only have 1 post don't be afraid to ask for help if/when you need it.

[Saharapost]

I agree with Ironhead. This forum is full of so many wonderful people who are willing to help others clear the bushes on their path to academic success. I can't wait until I post my I am done thread.

I have no advice for the OP, but for future capstone course students....if you've found this forum don't be afraid to ask for help. I was dreading the capstone course because I hate writing, my useless "mentor" couldn't supply me with a sample paper, so I asked for help on this forum. And 3 or 4 people sent me copies of their papers so I had some clue of what was expected.

Point of my post: this forum is full of helpful people if you are a lurker or only have 1 post don't be afraid to ask for help if/when you need it.

[Prloko]

Wow, Prioka! Who knew that this "condition" was shared by anyone but me? Nepagirl, it sounds like you're part of the club. (Maybe we should have a secret handshake, or something>)

LateBloomer, I would create the handshake myself, but I'm afraid it wouldn't be perfect

[Lindagerr]

I suffer from this same disorder, let me in on the handshake.

To the OP we all have to learn the hard way that we are not perfect we are human and we are bound to make mistakes sometimes. The good part is you did not physically hurt or kill anyone else and you will not go to jail for breaking the law. After that it is really just an inconvenience. I was always a perfectionist too and I would not take an exam until I was more than ready, then I was sure I failed and didn't want to press the report score key. Well I never failed but the stress was really not good for me. At one point I had to take a PRAXIS exam in Math and I had signed up months ahead not knowing I would get so busy I didn't have time to study. I had paid for the exam so I said I might as well go and take it, I missed the score I needed for my state so I had to go take it again. The second time I did great and I learned it wasn't the end of the world.

Recently I took a course in Special Education through one of the school districts I sub for. I got paid $10/hr to take the course which was free. After a day and a half of class we had an exam which you needed 90% to pass and get a certificate for the course. I spent 2 hours after the first day just organizing and typing up my notes, then I studied. I was sure I was ready for this test. Well everyone was sure I would pass the test because I obsess about these things. You can guess how amazed and disbelieving I and all my friends and family were to find out I only got a 76:ack:. At first I was angry and sure they had to have made a mistake maybe they lost my essay answers or they had the wrong persons test in my name, but they insisted I did not answer one of the essays with more then one sentence that cost 10 points and I lost 14 more points on the multiple choice.:confused: Oh did I mention this was an open book and open notes exam??????? I have gone through every possible explanation in my head, it was a paper and pencil exam with those little dots to fill in maybe I was off on my numbers etc. Finally I realized it was over I couldn't do anything about it, I can retake the course (no pay this time) and the world will go on, I can still teach and even work with SPED children I just can't put the certificate on my resume.

The moral of the story is "it is done" you can't go change the past. If you failed oh well you are out some money and some time that is all. Next time remember all of the great people here are always willing to help so don't hesitate to ask. Not everyone knows about every subject ( I was lucky and just missed needing the capstone), but I know about what I call my Anal tendencies and I know there many others of us out there. So pick yourself up dust yourself off and get back on that horse you will get it the next time.

Let us know when you get your grade, you might be surprised!!!

[nepagirl]

Thank you so much to all who replied! To my absolute shock and amazement, I passed the course with an 88. Part of the reason I was so hard on myself and unable to put it all in perspective was because I hadn't slept in about 4 days. I don't recommend this to anyone. In a month, I finished 3 TESC courses, 3 TECEPs, 2 CLEPs, and 1 ECE...also not something I recommend if you can help it.

Anyway, I'M DONE!

[Prloko]

Thank you so much to all who replied! To my absolute shock and amazement, I passed the course with an 88. Part of the reason I was so hard on myself and unable to put it all in perspective was because I hadn't slept in about 4 days. I don't recommend this to anyone. In a month, I finished 3 TESC courses, 3 TECEPs, 2 CLEPs, and 1 ECE...also not something I recommend if you can help it.

Anyway, I'M DONE!

All that worrying and you knocked it out of the park! Congratulations.

[LaterBloomer]

Over 40 years ago, and I still remember a sign I saw at a nurses' station. (I can't remember what I had for lunch today, but I remember the sign.) It went something like this. There's nothing to worry about. You're either healthy, or you're ill. If you're healthy, there's nothing to worry about. If you're ill, you'll either get better, or you'll die. If you get better, there's nothing to worry about. If you die, you'll either go to heaven or you'll go to hell. If you go to heaven, there's nothing to worry about. If you go to hell, you'll be so busy shaking the hands of your friends that you won't have time to worry.

I wish I could think that way!