Homeschooling...for newbies

[mrs.b]

My son is having issues at school, not with curriculum, but with bullying and the like. We have worked with the school, and they have responded as best they can, but as the children age, it will continue to be an issue - and get worse (I remember how mean kids could be, and he's got a whole new set of opportunities to be picked on) to which we do not want to subject our child. He is special needs - Autistic - and will continue to be a target because he does not "get" teasing and insults until they turn violent. Much self restraint has been exercised, but our patience and understanding is quickly growing thin. We both work full-time, but are entertaining the idea of homeschooling our son.

He has a grandfather willing and able to watch him during the day (currently just does after-school), and is willing to supplement - not be the primary - homeschooling, so much of it would need to be during evenings and weekends. How feasible is that? I know homeschooling does not need to take place during traditional hours, but how much time, roughly, do homeschooled children typically need for lessons and assignments? While he is special needs, he is an extremely intelligent little boy so long as information is presented to him in a manner that suits his learning style (which is a challenge at school, much of what he learns is from the supplemented lessons he gets at his grandfather's and at home during homework time); he may take a while to pick up new concepts, but once he does, he's like a runaway freight train. (Took him two years to "get" the concept of addition beyond memorization, but when he did earlier this year, he can do 3- and 4-digit equations with multiple figures in his head faster than I can typically type into a calculator a couple months later.)

What are good starter resources (I've already got Jennifer's book on wish list to buy out of next paycheck! ) for development of curriculum and even more basic, how to pull a child out of the public school system? We live in Alabama, do I just declare myself as a "school" or what are the channels I'd need to follow? How do you continue to offer social outlets (this is very important, particularly for him since socialization is his main challenge).

Looking for pointers and direction. Each time something happens, we return to this discussion then decide we can work with the system, but this last one...I don't know. It took a lot of effort to remain civil when trying to work with the "system," and they responded quickly. Still, it was not the first, second, third, or even tenth time we've been down this road, and he's only in third grade. I hate dropping my son off each day, wondering if he'll come home with a new injury that must be reported and investigated. I hate having to see him scared when he goes to a place that is supposed to be safe, and can't help but wonder if he would do better - educationally (I already know he would do better emotionally) - in an environment developed just for him to learn. He's got one of the most innocent souls ever - he doesn't understand violence or cruelty, or that kids "play" like that - and he pulls away and shuts down for days when something like this happens. It's not healthy - physically or emotionally - and hurts him educationally until he can get enough reassurance that the most recent issue is handled and not going to happen again, but there is a never-ending supply of punk brat kids that need to knock down and demean others to make up for their own insecurities and poor upbringings. Keeping him safe is obviously our primary concern, but we also want to create an environment where his education can flourish.

[rebel100]

Alabama (as i understand it) is a bit unusual in its homeschool requirements, I think you will have to loosely affiliate with an organization to pull it off. You can begin researching that here: Homeschooling in Alabama and here NAHE Alabama Support Groups

We may be unusual, and don't have any added difficulty regarding autism....but my girls don't really spend more than 3-4 hours a day 4 days a week in school, even when the eldest dual enrolled in college i would say 12-16 hours a week was about the right estimate for study/school time. We incorporate a lot of "other" activities that aren't "school" but nonetheless we feel are important. For example both the kids are involved in martial arts type activities, volunteering, voracious readers, cooking/baking, etc... We spend a lot of time on goals for the girls academically...that's the big motivator in some ways, finish this and history is done for the year...we don't calculate it and follow a strict calendar, we are more concerned with quality than filler, real accomplishment over the mundane.

We don't follow a single curriculum, but rather cobble together learning resources to provide what we feel represents the needs of our kids.

I think you can make it work, I would begin the experiment with the thought of an hour or two in the evening at home a few nights a week, coupled with an expectation of his completing a lot of the "work" while he is with Grandpa...Grandpa can make sure he watches assigned videos on you tube, and that he is spending time reading and working on various assignments...but let the whole experience be a liberating nurturing. Tailor the school experience to fit the student.

You and I have discussed this a bit via PM....I think you need to give it a shot.

[namwen]

I say don't be afraid! My son is absolutely killing it with his new degree plan. He's 17 and on track for 47 college credits his Jr/Sr year.

My other boys are begging to be homeschooled now.

[mrs.b]

Well, just talked to my father-in-law who was previously opposed to homeschooling. After attending the meeting today with me (husband couldn't, so FIL came to help keep my cool...haven't been that angry since the LAST time this happened earlier this year) he's had a change of heart. Apparently, he had a change of heart a couple bullying incidents ago, but was hesitant to say anything unless/until we brought it up again. He's still nervous about being responsible for educating a little mind, but after reassurance that he is definitely not going to be solely responsible (husband and I want a major, if not primary, role) and we are fairly confident we can't mess it up any more than the school system has.

It'll definitely be healthier for our kiddo. He gets so nervous each morning, he's gray when I drop him off. I know he would do better without all the stress every single day. I know I will, knowing he's in a loving environment during both day and evening, and where we can tailor his education to suit him, not waste hours a day with the out-of-the-box stuff that works for the rest of the kids then still needing to tweak his lessons when he gets home to suit his learning style.

Looking into it. Alabama definitely looks like a challenge for this sort of thing. Affording private school and the additional therapy is the next hurdle; he currently gets some speech and occupational therapies at school, with only some out of our pockets since we technically make too much to qualify for assistance. After talking to FIL, hubby and I are thinking we'll let him finish third grade (with VERY close monitoring...FIL is going to do a lot more random visits, he already volunteers at the school a few times a week to be accessible) and start for fourth so we can get budget in check, and I'm going to talk to my employer about working with me to get our insurance provider to cover more of the therapy expenses. (He doesn't really need OT any longer according to his developmental pediatrician and our own opinion, and frankly am not even sure he gets it at the school, but he does get speech...we only do a few sessions a month for him currently out of pocket.)

[mrs.b]

We are excited and moving forward with this. It will be so much healthier for Little Man, physically, emotionally, and educationally. He still does not know; he can't keep a secret and we do not want the school to know until we have everything ready to go. After a few days solid of research, Alabama does require homeschoolers fall in one of two categories: 1) either "enroll" with an umbrella/cover school, or 2) get a valid AL teaching certificate. Since option two is out for the time being - will investigate when more time is available to see how feasible it is - we are going with option 1. There is a shocking number of these schools out there, and virtually all exist ONLY to facilitate home schooling to keep the State off parents' backs. We have it narrowed down to four and are reaching out to them today to pick the one join starting with fourth grade.

Also, we are joining HSLDA this weekend so we can ask a handful of questions we have so we can be as prepared as we can be. Found some local homeschool groups, so we're touching base with them to see if they have any recommendations, and to see if we can go ahead and introduce our shy little fella so he can make new friends (and in a few weeks, when we're closer to the end of the year, going to touch base with the parents of his current friends to arrange more outside-school time since he won't see them in school anymore).

The next hurdle is developing a curriculum. Think we'll use one or two packaged curriculums as a starting point, and we have an aunt who was a school teacher in Georgia and has gone into special needs advocacy, so we are going to tap her as a resource to mix and match to suit our little fella's learning style. He's so capable of excelling, but when he wastes so much time a day listening to methods that do not work for him then spends more hours at home re-learning, he's tired, misses play time, and just manages to keep up in class. I know he can at least keep up if not excel if he can focus all his learning time on a method that works for him without wasting time on methods that do not, and get more time to be a happy little kid without the stress and negativity of the public school.

[rebel100]

We are excited and moving forward with this. It will be so much healthier for Little Man, physically, emotionally, and educationally. He still does not know; he can't keep a secret and we do not want the school to know until we have everything ready to go. After a few days solid of research, Alabama does require homeschoolers fall in one of two categories: 1) either "enroll" with an umbrella/cover school, or 2) get a valid AL teaching certificate. Since option two is out for the time being - will investigate when more time is available to see how feasible it is - we are going with option 1. There is a shocking number of these schools out there, and virtually all exist ONLY to facilitate home schooling to keep the State off parents' backs. We have it narrowed down to four and are reaching out to them today to pick the one join starting with fourth grade.

Also, we are joining HSLDA this weekend so we can ask a handful of questions we have so we can be as prepared as we can be. Found some local homeschool groups, so we're touching base with them to see if they have any recommendations, and to see if we can go ahead and introduce our shy little fella so he can make new friends (and in a few weeks, when we're closer to the end of the year, going to touch base with the parents of his current friends to arrange more outside-school time since he won't see them in school anymore).

The next hurdle is developing a curriculum. Think we'll use one or two packaged curriculums as a starting point, and we have an aunt who was a school teacher in Georgia and has gone into special needs advocacy, so we are going to tap her as a resource to mix and match to suit our little fella's learning style. He's so capable of excelling, but when he wastes so much time a day listening to methods that do not work for him then spends more hours at home re-learning, he's tired, misses play time, and just manages to keep up in class. I know he can at least keep up if not excel if he can focus all his learning time on a method that works for him without wasting time on methods that do not, and get more time to be a happy little kid without the stress and negativity of the public school.

I'm excited too! I think this is the way to go....good for you guys on making the right tough call.

[mrs.b]

I'm excited too! I think this is the way to go....good for you guys on making the right tough call.

It is definitely the right call, but I wouldn't say tough. We thought it would be, but the more we look into it, we realize we already do the majority of his teaching. We just do it after he wastes eight hours a day in a classroom that stresses him out, where only 10% of the kids are worth his time as a social circle (the main reason we always talked ourselves out of it before), and after getting through to him to ignore the methods teachers tried to show him in class that just confused him. We can give him the social circle with other homeschooled kids and those few friends from school that are well-behaved.

Hubby and I feel like about 10,000 pounds lifted off our shoulders when we finally came to the conclusion that this was the way to go for him. And since we started looking the other day, we have found so many people in our area that homeschool that we thought just sent their kids to one of the local private schools.

And I honestly do not think we would have seriously considered this option if it were not for you, Mr. Rebel, and all the other homeschool parents I've seen talking about how happy and healthy and well-rounded their kids are, so I owe all of you a HUGE thank you. Could never repay that kind of help. The little bug is going to be so much better for it.

[cookderosa]

My son is having issues at school, not with curriculum, but with bullying and the like. We have worked with the school, and they have responded as best they can, but as the children age, it will continue to be an issue - and get worse (I remember how mean kids could be, and he's got a whole new set of opportunities to be picked on) to which we do not want to subject our child. He is special needs - Autistic - and will continue to be a target because he does not "get" teasing and insults until they turn violent. Much self restraint has been exercised, but our patience and understanding is quickly growing thin. We both work full-time, but are entertaining the idea of homeschooling our son.

He has a grandfather willing and able to watch him during the day (currently just does after-school), and is willing to supplement - not be the primary - homeschooling, so much of it would need to be during evenings and weekends. How feasible is that? I know homeschooling does not need to take place during traditional hours, but how much time, roughly, do homeschooled children typically need for lessons and assignments? While he is special needs, he is an extremely intelligent little boy so long as information is presented to him in a manner that suits his learning style (which is a challenge at school, much of what he learns is from the supplemented lessons he gets at his grandfather's and at home during homework time); he may take a while to pick up new concepts, but once he does, he's like a runaway freight train. (Took him two years to "get" the concept of addition beyond memorization, but when he did earlier this year, he can do 3- and 4-digit equations with multiple figures in his head faster than I can typically type into a calculator a couple months later.)

What are good starter resources (I've already got Jennifer's book on wish list to buy out of next paycheck! ) for development of curriculum and even more basic, how to pull a child out of the public school system? We live in Alabama, do I just declare myself as a "school" or what are the channels I'd need to follow? How do you continue to offer social outlets (this is very important, particularly for him since socialization is his main challenge).

Looking for pointers and direction. Each time something happens, we return to this discussion then decide we can work with the system, but this last one...I don't know. It took a lot of effort to remain civil when trying to work with the "system," and they responded quickly. Still, it was not the first, second, third, or even tenth time we've been down this road, and he's only in third grade. I hate dropping my son off each day, wondering if he'll come home with a new injury that must be reported and investigated. I hate having to see him scared when he goes to a place that is supposed to be safe, and can't help but wonder if he would do better - educationally (I already know he would do better emotionally) - in an environment developed just for him to learn. He's got one of the most innocent souls ever - he doesn't understand violence or cruelty, or that kids "play" like that - and he pulls away and shuts down for days when something like this happens. It's not healthy - physically or emotionally - and hurts him educationally until he can get enough reassurance that the most recent issue is handled and not going to happen again, but there is a never-ending supply of punk brat kids that need to knock down and demean others to make up for their own insecurities and poor upbringings. Keeping him safe is obviously our primary concern, but we also want to create an environment where his education can flourish.

Exciting post from you! Wow! Well, first, I applaud any mom who is willing to protect her child- not all are. Also, you'll find everything you need legal-wise from HSLDA: Homeschooling Advocates since 1983 You should join before pulling your kid out. They are your attorneys and it's like holding them on retainer. I won't go on and on about how great they are, but we have been members since day 1. It's money well spent. (about $100/year)

I used to be a pretty vocal homeschool evangelist! In other words, all support and encouragement. Well, time tempers that kind of enthusiasm, and so while I'm supportive and encouraging, know that doing a good job is hard- and it does take time. I know many people will tell you - oh you can homeschool 2 minutes a day -for free- and cater to their learning style, socialization is a non-issue, your child will love all the hard work you put into their schooling, and your child will score off the charts. Sorry, that's not the truth. Those are lies that (I think) were part of the early push to get more people to homeschool. The truth is, that once you pull him out, you're going to be nervous as hell at every step that you're doing it right. You'll worry about curriculum, you'll worry about what others think, and you'll worry about why he likes to sit at home playing Call of Duty instead of opening a goat farm. (I might be projecting a bit lol) But, in reality, the benefits of homeschooling are not so much about the academics as they are about the one on one relational learning and support your child will get from you.
You WILL have to invest some curriculum planning time. (my book -thank you btw- will really only help with high school) Curriculum is THE hottest thing right now, most are fine. Worry less about this now, and more later. Initially, start a math plan (simple free printable online worksheets and flash cards) and a big pile of books from the public library (fun ones he picks, one you'll read to him, and one he can read alone). Spend a month on the 3 Rs and getting into the hang of this new system. Curriculum later.

You WILL have to check on his school, is he doing it and does he understand it? He's used to having a teacher, so he will need one until you can wean him.

You WILL have to deliberately socialize your child. The cool part is you get to pick how that happens. My kids are life-long karate students, and occasionally we'll sign up for swim lessons or something sport-ish. They also have taken music lessons and one son played in a group band. It doesn't matter, it can be anything. Maybe he likes chess or acting or art? Your local zoos, museums and science centers all likely have full programs for homeschool kids. Later, you can develop this more- as you decide what goals you have for him. For now, just set up a thing here and there, have fun.

Finally, how long each day? Hard call. I have 4, so every Sunday night I write a table on my white board. Each kid in column 1 followed by each day of the week. Inside each box, they get their "list" and that's how we roll. I don't care when they get up but if we are getting very close to 10am and no one has had breakfast yet, I start freaking out. My kids generally start their lists by 9:30. I have a rule, that school hours are school hours. No tv, no video games, no facebook (for me!) no doctor apts even. I try to respect the time or else we fall apart. Truthfully, if I had 1 kid I wouldn't be like that, I'd be able to be more relaxed. My "system" is born out of complete craziness. Despite eating lunch and a few people wandering around from time to time, we are really done by 2:30ish. I've had kids have long days, but that's an exception.
***EDIT*** at his age, I'd say 2 hours should cover everything.

Lastly, have a back up plan. If homeschooling doesn't work for you guys, what is the plan B? Is there another option? I ask because having a plan always reduces your stress. Since day 1, I've always lived as if at any moment I could get hit by a bus and the kids would need to be sent to school. So, we live in good districts, always know about private and/or Christian schools nearby. Just explore and put it away.

Finally, there are groups in your area,I promise. You may even find groups of families with special needs children. Homeschooling is growing, but social media has allowed everyone to connect. And they do!!

Good luck on your decision!!!

[rebel100]

Yes, yes, and yes to what Jen said....I hope i didn't paint too rosey a picture....you will definitely have work to do!

Jen, tell more about the goat farm! I admit weighed against Call of Duty its a toss up, but goats....who doesn't want goats? Milk, cheese, meat....yum!

[mrs.b]

A goat farm, hmm? My husband's a CoD fanatic, so...I'd definitely be on my own for that disagreement!

HSLDA is first on our budget list. My husband called today and talked to a very nice woman with a couple very basic, preliminary questions (nothing legal, but basic resource info) and was blown away by how helpful she was, pointing in a few directions to get our starting point a little further along. That did lead to a couple questions she said would require an attorney's opinion, so we are writing all those down to send once we're members. She did say that, once we are a member, the HSLDA has a team/group that helps with special needs curriculums and access to resources. For that alone, it's worth the annual fee to us, beyond any other protections or advice that might come with it.

Hubby and I have been around enough to know the grass certainly isn't always greener, but we can't let the current status quo continue (this is how the kids around here act at 8 and 9, so what will they be like at 12, 15, or 17?), so we are done with public schooling no matter what speed bumps the three of us run into further down the road. We are willing to put in any amount of work to get him away from all that and give him a better shot at a real education; he's just keeping up now because he tries to understand how they teach, gets confused, and makes mistakes on class assignments until he gets home so we can "translate" what they meant to how he needs to hear it. If he could just learn it "his" way originally, I know he can at least feel better about the learning process if not do a bit better. Doing better or not, though, it's worth it for no reason other than to get him away from the negativity. He's a happy kid that likes to learn; one of his favorite "family nights" is when we get out the book on the nighttime sky, set up the telescope on a clear night, wrap up in blankets, and see which ones we can match to the book. (He and his dad do often somehow "find" Crypton, but you know what I mean... )

Should it just not work out, though, private school is Plan B. There are quite a few around here, and while researching homeschooling, I've talked to a few and spoken to friends that do have children in private school (which is how I found those that are homeschooling that I only thought were private schooling) to learn which ones are more highly recommended by the ones actually in them. It would be a little tight on the budget, but we could make it work if we must. Two of the possible private schools have programs that would be great for him with flexible curriculum they work with all parents to develop, and environments and school cultures that sound like they would be positive. We briefly considered just going that route, but we still think homeschooling is the ideal route for our family. But yes, but should things go irrevocably sideways, we are going to start setting aside funds to keep available for Plan B, just in case.

Thank you for the suggestions to get us started down the curriculum road as he transitions. I showed it to my husband, and we've copied it down; it sounds like solid advice.

Oh! Speaking of the library I called the public library before leaving work today, and there is a resource librarian on staff that proctored a few of my TESC exams. She's starting a literature review of some of the available books out to increase options on homeschool material in the library as well as special needs tutoring and the like, and has some other resources she's going to reach out to, to help collect information on a bunch of the questions we have.

No, Rebel, you didn't make it seem all roses, rainbows, and butterflies, lol. You gave a good nudge in the right direction to see it wasn't a terrifying or impossible road, which we needed.