Opportunities...

[LaterBloomer]

Another thing to think of is how your negative feelings about the insufficient raise will play out. Will you get over it? Will it eat at you and lessen your joy in your job? Will it motivate you to look for another job? Money isn't everything. Having a mortgage-free home offers you freedom that others don't have. I'm a ruminator, so they fact that I felt badly done by might blight the good things. Oh, and I'm not one of those folks who think it's so all-fired easy for kids to find new friends. As a perfect mother (I have no children!), I think kids are bendable, and not necessarily flexible. Sort of playing on Cookderosa's post, is it possible to take the job out west, and have your family stay in the east? Then, after a year or so, determine if moving is the best thing for you? Would you be able to find another job locally?

[NAP]

To piggyback on Laterbloomer's thought - Would this job opportunity/offer allow you to renegotiate your salary at your current job?

[rebel100]

To piggyback on Laterbloomer's thought - Would this job opportunity/offer allow you to renegotiate your salary at your current job?

I doubt it, when I earned the promotion I tried to negotiate the pay/benefits with no luck...they actually told me I should be grateful for their "generous" offer. Single biggest reason I still want to leave, we are talking $2.50/hour from making me reasonably happy, instead they elected to self select as a stepping stone rather than a destination.

[Getiton1]

Hi Rebel,

Wow, I am a little late to this party…but I hear ya…this is a tough one because it could impact the quality of your life AND your families. This is a toughie.

Here's what I think. You have elderly parents here and I echo a lot of the thoughts and words people have painted previously. You can not get that time with your folks back…you CAN make money and move anytime really..especially with that smashing title behind your name now

It sounds like you and your former boss have a great repoire, and this coupled with an amazing location really has the magnet effect…especially after getting the less than stellar raise. You have toyed with leaving this employment in the past if I am not mistaken too right? So I can see things weighting more in favor of a move for your own mental health.

But here's what I think… Handle first things first. Talk to your friend/connection and be honest. It's very obvious he wants to work with you again. I would say some thinking to your friend like (and I am going to substitute names here since I have no idea what the guys name is)…"Hey Bobby, it's Rebel…and I have to tell you, when you reached out to tell me about this job it was at a time when I felt ripe for the picking' and ready to take on the world. But I have calmed down a bit and while nothing would give me greater pleasure than to leave (your current job) and go to your firm…I not sure about making the move because of the timing. I have 2 elderly parents and my youngest kid that really would rather I stayed. So I AM so interested, but not sure about the timing. Would you still stand by me if I take a break and sit things out here in Florida at least until (substitute whatever is making you stay in Florida…Parents age, littlest kid in love and not wanting to leave her high school…use your own words here). Then say, I KNOW this is an amazing opportunity and I am so glad you thought of me…because I really have missed working with you too. But I would feel like such a heel if I didn't at least tell you I am not sure about the timing of this interview/job/move and it feels a little wrong to take up the groups money, time and resources if I can't commit right now. Another thing that's bugging me is that I don't want to lose out on this chance to live where I want to live (and die), how I want to live and be with the people who I enjoy the most. But I feel like with my parents getting up there in age, that it would be hard on them (or whatever your thoughts are). So if you think this door would close I would be interested to know if there might be a chance down the road that I might be able to open it again (with no reservations) when the timing is a little better for me and my family?

Then listen…really listen to your first connection with this whole job…listen to your friend. Find out if you would burn bridges... or gain the respect of the team now and know that 2-3 years down the road the job was there if you still wanted it…because of your honestly with your friend and the company.

Really I am going to tell you what you already know. It's going to come down to what you feel best about. Would you really resent staying in Florida? Would you resent your kid? parents? current job? (I know that sounds kind of mean…but I am thinking the whole scenario though…sort of a "what if"). Resent and regret are really poisonous to relationships. So if you could see yourself with these emotions and feelings at the forefront of your mind every day you stay in Florida… then you will know your answer.

When I am faced with tough decisions like these I pray. I am not sure if you are into prayer or mediation or whatever…but taking it to higher power works for me and has SAVED me so many times. I pray for things like... advice, wisdom, a sign (and you will know it when you see it or see a similar amazing thing happen over and over in different circumstances)…and I pray for the right words to come out of my mouth when I talk to everyone involved and then I pray for peace…because otherwise things like this can keep you up at night or turn your stomach into a gurgling mess.

If you don't mind…I will pray for you to have additional wisdom and deeper insights into this whole thing. I will also pray for you to have a sign that will stick out to you like a compass pointing you in the right direction.

Still, it's really what you and your family are comfortable with. I would keep the relationship strong and honest with your friend throughout the process. Jobs can come and go but really wonderful people that truly love and support you and your career are less common. Hold onto the best ones and help them out as well when you can.

You'll figure it out Rebel…you are smart…after all you DID finish an MBA!

I wish you peace with whatever you choose.

-Tara

[skyfall123]

Simple solution. When you go to the interview (which you should do regardless of whether you intend to take the job or not) ask for 6 months living/relocation expense. Rent a place for 6 months. Move there by yourself. This gives you 6 months to get to know the area and the real estate market. The wife and kids move out during the summer, fall in love with the place. You get to know the Real Estate and make your move by the end of the summer. The problem is you are not even open to the possibility that things may all work out for the best. This is clouding your thought process. You may go for the interview and find out......this is where I belong. Nothing but good will come out of the interview, in one way or another. Where you will not grow one iota, is if you decide not to even interview and entertain the possibilities of what could be. Good Luck

[rebel100]

When I am faced with tough decisions like these I pray.

Me too.

Thanks for your input, its appreciated. Had some long talks these last few days with Mom and Dad, Wife/Kids. Everyone is on the same page (for the moment at least). I plan to explore the whole thing further, if it truly is the perfect opportunity that should manifest itself shortly...if its right he will let me know

@Geezer....thanks, your point is well taken, nothing really lost by going out there. I have posted many times that the interview process in and of itself is crucial to personal and professional growth. For this entire process I have paused thinking "well lets see how this stage goes"...it keeps trucking along The organization apparently owns its own apartments, the idea of them putting me up for a few months was tentatively extended when they first reached out to me...I don't yet know if that will actually be extended, but I suspect some accommodation there as well as a few bucks to move. they seem quite accustomed to bringing folks in from out of their area. By all accounts they really treat their employees very well...part of what makes this all so attractive.

[rebel100]

Well the guy hiring this position happened to be in my town for a conference, we met today and had a great 90 minute or so exchange. Taking a page from the great Burbuja I went armed with a polished resume, a detailed "success" list (including my recent MBA), and a couple of work samples. I came away feeling he was very impressed (said he was, and by all indications it was true). I left with a really good feeling that I could assimilate out there quite well. The job feels like it would be appropriately challenging. The increase in pay is substantial.

My parents have come around and at least indicate they are up for living at least part time out west, they get that this is a great opportunity. My wife and oldest daughter are ready to pack, the youngest is even looking at the positive side.

I have been invited to fly out, they want me to buy the tickets and they will reimburse me...sorta stinks, I just got back from a lengthy trip in January and graduation in Atlanta in February....I really don't have the caash laying around, but I suppose I will dig deep and make it happen....did I mention how much I loathe commercial air travel? Not a great flyer!