College expectations

[Vle045]

I am posting this as a parent of a HS Freshman.  It seems my son’s High School expectations are actually harder than college.  But then again, times change.  

He has ADHD and has previously had a 504 plan that provided him with some accommodations such as reminders to turn in work and extended time.  He chose to go to a Catholic High School and they do not service 504 Plans.  He is a few weeks in to school and is already failing at least 4 classes.  I am really trying to work with him at home to use a planner and get stuff done.  But things often sit in his backpack. The science teacher wants things turned in at the beginning of class when it is due.  If it is at the end of class, it’s a zero.  I think that is kind of harsh.  He has like a 35% in that class now.  

I get that they are trying to prepare kids for college.  But from what I remember from college, professors were always willing to work with you…. As long as you went to see them.  I did it myself a few times.  

Aside from competency based models…. Are college professors still willing to work with you?

[rachel83az]

As far as I'm aware, it's "always" been the case that HS teachers are harsh and unrelenting to "prepare you for college" but, then, you get to college and literally nobody cares about most of that stuff. As long as you are respectful and ask nicely, a large percentage of college professors will be willing to work with you. Especially if you have the university-equivalent of a 504 plan. Most schools are more than happy to set up an accommodation plan for students. More student completion means more money for them (in the form of tuition) and better metrics when it comes to rankings and things like that.

Have you considered pulling him out of school completely and doing the dual-enrollment college degree thing?

[Vle045]

Exactly. I remember for one class, I got a D on a paper. I went to the professor and talked to him about my complete lack of understanding of the material. After our conversation, he pointed me toward some materials to review and allowed me to do it over for a better grade.

In this climate of Diversity, Equity and Inclusion…. I am often amazed at how much my child is excluded due to his ADHD and food allergies. Both are invisible. He is a smart kid with a high IQ. But he just can’t get it together sometimes to realize which assignment is due and when. Sometimes I think… would you tell a student who wear glasses that they can’t use them in school? Would you tell a kid on crutches that he can’t use them at school? Pretty sure they wouldn’t.

[rachel83az]

As someone who often suffers from executive disfunction, like your son, trying to get things done is... a challenge. Example: Let's say that it's 9am. Which means lunch is in a couple of hours. If I start this assignment now, I might miss lunch. I'm going to do a bit more research before I get started on my paper. Now it's noon. It's time for lunch. I eat. Now I remember that I haven't done the laundry yet. But I have this assignment I need to finish. I sit and think about both for 15 minutes. I'll do the assignment first so that it'll be done. But, then I get distracted. Soon, it's 6pm. It's time to deal with dinner. I still have the assignment to do and the laundry isn't done yet. I'll do them after dinner. Well, the assignment isn't technically due for a couple of days. So I could still do the laundry and do some other household chores first. But, oops, more distractions. It's time for bed and I've done nothing today.

I never got any guidance about this when I was your son's age. I just got scolded for forgetting assignments. I probably would have benefited from someone saying "Okay, it's 4pm. Every day, we're going to empty EVERYTHING out of your backpack. We're going to write your assignments down on this calendar. Do you have anything due tomorrow? That needs to be done before everything else. You have a huge report due at the end of the month? Do we need anything for it? Supplies? A trip to the library? Make a list and we'll deal with it this weekend." and so on. Instead, I was left to flounder because, in spite of the disorder, I still got really good grades somehow.

[sanantone]

The real world has the ADA and special accommodations. That includes college and work.

[ss20ts]

I am posting this as a parent of a HS Freshman.  It seems my son’s High School expectations are actually harder than college.  But then again, times change.  

He has ADHD and has previously had a 504 plan that provided him with some accommodations such as reminders to turn in work and extended time.  He chose to go to a Catholic High School and they do not service 504 Plans.  He is a few weeks in to school and is already failing at least 4 classes.  I am really trying to work with him at home to use a planner and get stuff done.  But things often sit in his backpack. The science teacher wants things turned in at the beginning of class when it is due.  If it is at the end of class, it’s a zero.  I think that is kind of harsh.  He has like a 35% in that class now.  

I get that they are trying to prepare kids for college.  But from what I remember from college, professors were always willing to work with you…. As long as you went to see them.  I did it myself a few times.  

Aside from competency based models…. Are college professors still willing to work with you?

In CBE programs we still have deadlines and minimum grade requirements - such as a B is required to pass. Anything less than a B is failure. The deadlines include dates and times. There are rarely exceptions. No submitting work isn't going to get an exception. I had an exception once because the professor did not respond for over a week. It took 2 staff members to get ahold of the professor. Turns out he didn't know he was teaching the class. That's very different than not meeting a deadline though. I did submit my work on time - a week early actually. In CBE programs, you're on your own. There is no one there guiding you through the work. You send emails when you have questions, but that's really it. If you're someone who needs hand holding to any degree, CBE is probably not a good fit for you. 

As far as regular programs, it all depends on the professor. If you submit your work late, then it's late. Everyone has the same deadline. In college, you're treated as an adult. Adults have responsibilities and deadlines. They have to deal with the consequences when they are missed. High school is trying to prepare you for that. Many professors have a zero tolerance policy because of past abuse of policies. In college, there's the TRIO office and disabled student services who can work with him. He will need to learn to meet deadlines or he won't be able to hold a job for very long. 

If he needs a 504 plan, then it seems like he should be in a school that will work with the plan. It sounds like he's really struggling now and it's so difficult to climb out of a hole especially with ADHD.

[jch]

Exactly. I remember for one class, I got a D on a paper. I went to the professor and talked to him about my complete lack of understanding of the material. After our conversation, he pointed me toward some materials to review and allowed me to do it over for a better grade.

I just experienced this situation during a class at TESU. I bombed a pivotal assignment because I misunderstood the instructions and expectations. At the time, I feared having to drop the class. The mentor provided critical yet helpful feedback and directed me to try again. After two more attempts, I achieved an A on that assignment. Although harsh, he was willing to work with me as long as I put in the effort and was respectful. Eventually, I finished the course with an A.

[Alpha]

This is not a topic that I know a lot about but I can offer this
https://www.onlineu.com/online-schools/s...sabilities

[Vle045]

As someone who often suffers from executive disfunction, like your son, trying to get things done is... a challenge. Example: Let's say that it's 9am. Which means lunch is in a couple of hours. If I start this assignment now, I might miss lunch. I'm going to do a bit more research before I get started on my paper. Now it's noon. It's time for lunch. I eat. Now I remember that I haven't done the laundry yet. But I have this assignment I need to finish. I sit and think about both for 15 minutes. I'll do the assignment first so that it'll be done. But, then I get distracted. Soon, it's 6pm. It's time to deal with dinner. I still have the assignment to do and the laundry isn't done yet. I'll do them after dinner. Well, the assignment isn't technically due for a couple of days. So I could still do the laundry and do some other household chores first. But, oops, more distractions. It's time for bed and I've done nothing today.

I never got any guidance about this when I was your son's age. I just got scolded for forgetting assignments. I probably would have benefited from someone saying "Okay, it's 4pm. Every day, we're going to empty EVERYTHING out of your backpack. We're going to write your assignments down on this calendar. Do you have anything due tomorrow? That needs to be done before everything else. You have a huge report due at the end of the month? Do we need anything for it? Supplies? A trip to the library? Make a list and we'll deal with it this weekend." and so on. Instead, I was left to flounder because, in spite of the disorder, I still got really good grades somehow.

I can relate to this myself sometimes.    For my son, I can tell him on the ride home from school that I want him to sit down and do his homework first.  But he will find every other excuse in the book to do other things “first”.  The next thing you know, it’s 10:00 at night and he still hasn’t done it.  He thinks he can do it ALL in study hall.  Um, no honey, that’s why you are already behind and this one is due first period.  If they would allow smart watches, I could probably set up calendar reminders to turn in stuff.  Or send him text reminders right to his wrist.  “It’s 1:39…. Algebra is about to start.  Did you turn in those missing assignments yet??”  This is pretty much what I do for work.  I use my Windows calendar to remind me to do certain things that I want to do on a regular schedule.

[dfrecore]

First, I did let my kids both choose which high schools they were going to go to, with some guidance and some caveats: the first of which was, if your grades are not good, then your life is not good, and maybe this school isn't for you. So they knew that I'd pull them out and find another plan, including homeschooling, if I needed to.

Second, if you're sending him to Catholic high school, that generally means you're paying for it, and that means that you should have some sway with his teachers and the administration, so I'd go talk to his teachers with him and try to work something out. They need to know what they're dealing with.

Third, my high school aged son has generally had nice understanding teachers who even cut him slack due to sports - early dismissal a couple of days a week played havoc with his learning and homework situation. He would go in before school, after school, during lunch, whatever to get extra help, make up tests, etc. This was awesome because it let them get to know him, and forced him to communicate with them. I honestly thought some were way too EASY on him!

That being said, I think that your son needs to communicate with his teachers regularly, and needs to be committed to doing his schoolwork on time. If he can't, I don't think that maybe this school is for him. But i don't think these teachers sound harsh as much as they don't know him, they don't know his struggles, and they may have some ways to help him.

But I'd probably be pretty hard on my kid at this point - not doing your homework is just...not sure lazy is the right word, but he KNOWS at this point that he can't get his work done in study hall, so that excuse is just gone. I'd make his life difficult starting now...