Stressed & Depressed - today’s high school students

[Vle045]

“Stressed & Depressed”.  That is how my son, a high school freshman, describes High School students these days.  It’s been a LONG time since I was in school.  I don’t recall having homework too often.  My son says he gets too many assignments and it’s hard to keep up with it all.   And he is a smart kid and doesn’t have an excessive class load.  He even has a study hall.  He told me last night, he doesn’t think he wants to go to college because high school is too stressful and fast food pays more that some jobs that require a degree these days.  Taco Bell in our area is paying $20 an hour.  Which is more than I make with a degree and 20+ years experience.  My fast food jobs paid $3.85.  Big difference since the 90’s.  How can I argue with that?  Ugh!

[Alpha]

It's not clear to me that high school is significantly more stressful than it has ever been but it very clear that life is remarkably more stressful than it has ever been.  Among other things, the suicide rates for adolescents is increasing at an alarming pace.
Teens in America: How the COVID-19 Pandemic is Shaping the Next Generation (psychiatrictimes.com)

[ss20ts]

I had a lot of homework and I graduated in the early 90's from high school. I just didn't do most of it. I wanted to have some free time. Between sports, clubs, and school, I felt like I put enough hours in. I wanted time to read books and magazines I wanted to read not ordered to read. I wanted to watch tv and movies. I wanted to have time to relax. I had a lot of family issues in high school and struggled immensely with my ADHD which caused depression. High school was rough for many students back then. I don't know many people in different ages who think high school was easy. It's definitely MUCH different than college. I didn't spend 7 hours a day in classes in college and then 3+ hours of homework 5 days a week.

[bjcheung77]

I think people get easily depressed and stressed out more because of the current situation with the pandemic and other things that may be happening in their life. I would take life by the horns and ride it through slowly, just like a train, it'll "get to the final destination" when time comes, people try to rush things and when that happens, even more mistakes may be made... take the time to "decide" and not rush into an answer - we're not in a race to "finish", life happens, work with what you have and try getting to YOUR finish line...

[Vle045]

Maybe my memory has faded, but I really don’t recall having much homework.  I often got it done ahead of time because it wasn’t too hard.  I was in several school activities and did a lot with friends.  As a parent, I hate homework (don’t tell my son).  It’s just something that causes stress and arguments.  (I’ve felt this way from day one!). And leads to missing out on the fun things in life.  I wish I could remove homework from the equation, but I can’t.  Especially summer packets!  Math packets without instruction are just cruel. Luckily my kid has a pretty calm home life. The most stressful thing at our house is a puppy that likes to bite too much.

[dfrecore]

I recently ordered my HS transcript (I had to send it to a CC anyway), and I was surprised at my grades, which were...average I guess. I got a 3.0 overall, but honestly, I did not work that hard, I just did my homework (and obviously didn't do all of it all the time), and had a shit-ton of fun. I was a good kid, but busy with friends, activities, sports, etc.

My HS son (he's a senior) is not a huge fan of school except socially. He is NOT planning for a 4yr degree, because he just doesn't like school much. Instead, he's vacillating between a local CC for a degree in the trades (about 18mo) or enlisting in the Marines. Not sure which way he will go. I did tell him that I expect some effort in school (he only has 3 classes, and is smart enough to not have to work super hard to at least pass). But I'm not going to get straight A's from this kid, he's just not interested.

We've spent a LOT of time discussing non-college options for after he graduates. Lots of time spent discussing what life will look like under different scenarios. Like in our house, after you graduate from HS, you're either a FT student and PT worker, or a FT worker and PT student (or FT/FT if you really want). But Taco Bell (or fast food) is not really a way to get ahead in life, he has to shoot for more than that. Not saying that you can't progress at a fast food job, but he hated working fast food already and knows that's not going to be what he wants to do forever. The takeaway is that he needs a PLAN. But I'm willing to look at those with him. There have been a LOT of them thrown around over the last couple of years.

He also has said that a lot of girls at school are "insane." Like, just nuts. He's not interested in dating at all, and hopes that girls he meets once he's out of high school will be "normal." I'm not even sure if he knows what that looks like, but he knows that the ones he sees every day are not what he's interested in. So I'm thinking that even though HE is not personally stressed and depressed, that the girls at school are. Not entirely sure if that's helpful to you or not.

I would advise your kid to do the bare minimum at school, not get overly stressed about things, and have some outlets, including sports or physical activity on a VERY regular basis. My kids both thrived with physical activity, it certainly helps with depression. Kept them engaged with like-minded friends, they had to keep their grades at least a certain GPA, and just the physical outlet is so important. If there's no school sport that he's interested in, I'd find something outside of school.

If it turns out that he wants to do more as he gets older (this sometimes happens with boys as they mature), then he can take on more. If it turns out that he just doesn't love school, it's perfectly fine to come up with an other plan - a CC, a trade school, a Gap year to travel the world and do missionary work before starting his adult life - so many options. I think kids hear "college, college, college" so much that it's stressful and just not to everyone's strengths. Tell him it's ok to not care about college right now. Take off the pressure if you can.

[rachel83az]

https://youtu.be/QUjYy4Ksy1E

[Skirtlet]

I'm old, but was also depressed and stressed in high school many years ago. But I am as an adult too. Hormones also don't help with teens and early 20s.

If fast food jobs are paying $20+ an hour, are skilled jobs that could be done with a speciality college degree not paying more? Not a generic liberal arts degree, but engineering, social work, or some sort of specialty degree?

Wouldn't full-time school and part-time work be more hours and more stress than high school? Or a full-time worker and part-time student?
I attend full-time school now and do full-time work and this is far more hours than I put in back in high school, and I took AP everything/did most of the clubs my small crappy school offered/etc.

Fast food jobs might not pay good forever. Fast food jobs can sometimes be hard to get during some economic cycles. Same with retail. Those jobs are easy to get and everywhere now, but I remember a few years ago when I hard a hard time even finding a retail job in my area. The pay ceiling is also limited in retail and fast food, though managers at both can make ok (sometimes even decent money).

---

If I could go back in time, I would take fewer AP classes. I would do fewer clubs and less volunteering. I would half ass more classes, instead spending time with friends and family more often. I got into a top tier school when I was 17, but for what? Serious debt? Not getting the degree back then because I couldn't afford it? To be miserable in both high school and my first time in college?

[dfrecore]

Wouldn't full-time school and part-time work be more hours and more stress than high school? Or a full-time worker and part-time student?
I attend full-time school now and do full-time work and this is far more hours than I put in back in high school, and I took AP everything/did most of the clubs my small crappy school offered/etc.

If you read again, I said they had to be a PT/FT college student and PT/FT worker when they were HS grads - not while in high school.  My college student works 40 hours a week and goes to school FT, and is fine.  If she wanted to cut back on hours at work, that would not be terrible in my opinion - she chooses to work as much as she does.